It's a hike!

Went hiking today. I felt pretty miserable. embarrassed and pathetic. I got winded so quickly. my knees felt like jello and my legs seemed to weigh a million pounds. It was humiliating. I turned real bitchy real fast. nearly tuned back.

Aaron accused me of always being 'this way' whenever we do anything HE wants to do and claimed to be a saint while doing all the things I want to do. This just pissed me off all the more.

I wasn't trying to foul up his day. I wasn't trying to make him feel miserable.

I was simply and utterly disgusted with myself and with the shape that I'm in.

Good thing it was only a hill and not a mountain-- or else I'd have pitched myself off the side.

About half way up we came to a truce. I made it to the top (which was embarrassingly not too far from the base...), felt very much as though I would vomit, rested and we hiked around in a much more cross-country kind of way and less of a "i want to kill myself" kind of way.

It was a great day for it- not too hot and quite a nice view from the top.

we didn't picnic at the top as originally planned on account of my feeling nauseated and on the verge of heaving my breakfast sandwich all over the blue hills and eventually we headed back down. For kicks we opted to take the ski slope down which was delightfully steep and filled with grasshoppers! Its a wonder we didn't end up twisting our ankles.

Once at the base again we enjoyed the few animal exhibits and happened upon the gift shop. There we baught a bag of kettle cooked popcorn. The cashier, a 17 year old kid, warned us that it had addictive qualities.

Um. It was so good we felt like crazy crack fiends devouring it on the way home. Next time we go hiking we're buying the whole stock!

Maybe that's why I get winded hiking right?

Anyway I decided to stop at an office supply store on the way home since I start the next chapter of my life on tuesday. gulp.

We ran into Adam and Danielle there which was an awesome and pleasant surprise, except it made me feel a little more awkward about my own teaching endeavors as Adam's already an established teaching professional. After we parted ways I basically wandered about the store in a half-hearted daze. Theatre stuff, with very few exceptions, doesn't live in Office Maxx. I had hi-liters a plenty at home so I picked up some binders, some tissues and a note-book holepunch and called it a day. My heart wasn't in it and I just felt wretched to be trying to thin k and feel like a teacher.

I'm so nervous I could probably run away and never be heard from again. I'm nervous that I never should have done this to begin with and that it just isn't my passion and that the kids will sniff that out on day one (they are like dogs in that way) and the whole experience will be miserable. Not to mention the rest of my life.

Bah.

I need shoes.

We had Indian for dinner. It was wonderful, as usual.