Growing Pains

So we've come to terms with our restless will to move on, to do something more, to step into the next phase of life. We want a home, not only a studio aprtment crammed to bursting. We want a family of our own, not just a passel of nieces and nephews and a pair or adorable, cuddly cats. We want careers, not simply jobs. We want.

As Aaron said yesterday on our long drive along the cape, delivering taffy and trying to reconcile the loss of a budding, ephemeral dream: "The Honeymoon's Over."

And what a grand honeymoon it has been. Making our home out of this small shell of an apartment, innumerable trips to Ikea and Lowes. Learning the joy and frustration of sharing such a tiny space. Cooking in the most bizzarrely shaped and cramped kitchenette imaginable. Taking delight in every orange accessory we found at a yard sale or at a bargain store. Hanging mirrors and framing photos and trying not to kill the houseplants.

And then enjoying it. Enjoying the loft bed he built with his own hands. Showing off the floating orange shelves we designed and built and installed together. Redesigning the office for a more efficient use of space (7x4 ish). Relaxing on the couch we searched high and low to find (and swallowed hard to shell out the $400.00 for!). Watching the tv we go in one of those doorbuster sales a few day-after-thanksgivings ago. picking books of the bookcases he designed and built. feeding and marveling at the little mouse we rescued from the wall or giggling at how grumpy our tiny robo dwarf hamster always looks.

And laughing. and smiling, and cuddling and sighing with contented satisfaction. This is our home. this is our nest. No matter where we move in the future or how many years go by this will always be our first home. The existence we carved out together. The box we decorated and rearranged and molded and shaped until it was and is ours. Our little piece of paradise with two orange chairs and too many pets.

We don't need a big house to be happy. We don't need the passel of kids I've always dreamt of. We don't need dream jobs or money or fame or anything in particular-- only eachother. Always each other.

These past two + years together as a married couple, here in our little studio have been the happiest of my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything. Not even that big beautiful perfect dream of a home on Arlington street.

I know wherever we end up will be prefectly wonderful because at the end of the day we'll come home to each other, and that is all I ever wanted, all I ever worked for and hoped for and prayed for. I am grateful beyond measure. I'm a luckyh, lucky woman and I don't want anything more than what we're already blessed with.

So let the honeymoon continue. No more yearning for things beyond our reach, no more itching to move on. There's nothing wrong with the here-and-now. It may be cramped. It may be humble. It may be all sorts of imperfect- but to me it is heaven.