The empty passenger seat

Driving around the city recently- I've been driving to and fro alot more lately due to Mum's hospital stay and aaron's car being in the shop- driving around yesterday sometime I was sad to realize that my car was absent an important presence: an imaginary friend. It came as sort of a shock to my system when I recognized how long it must have been since I had last had a conversation with myself in the car. I used to do it all the time. ALL the time. Depending on my interests at the given time my car would be a dilapidated space ship or an enchanted magical transport or a spy mobile. I think my last imaginary friend, one who stuck around in all sorts of quiet times, was probably professor Lupin.

We were married.

Its a long, creative, off-the-beaten-path, tragic and obviously EU\AU kind of story, and not one I'm going to get into right now.

I guess I just bring it up because I think my last imaginary friend may have died when I finished book 7.

Why then? I've had plenty of non-Potter related imaginary companions. Some of these include: The Phantom of The Opera, Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Dracula, and more!

Oh, you know what? I just rememberes, here and now, that Obi-Wan reprised his role for a while a couple of months back when I was really into Cartoon Network's Clone Wars cartoon series. Ah yes. I was a lounge singer on some stopover planet during the clone wars. We met one night, I sang an anti-war song from the 60's (umm, Earth's 60's, since I don't know any galaxy far, far away anti-war songs) and we fell in love.

I think my obsession with Obi-Wan (besides the fact that he looks like Ewan McGregor), is the whole forbidden love thing. I had a Thornbirds obsession for a long time and still find young heterosexual priests very alluring.

Hmmm. Well I don't know why my romance with Ben (in my fantasy I was the one who gave him that nickname!) faded... I lost interest. And I've tried talking aloud into the empty space in my vehicle and everything just rings false... lame... tired. I always like to throw myself and my imaginary companion into some scandal, some looming peril- you know, where I have to dart my eyes to the rearview mirror frequently to check for anyone following us, or have to take unexpected detours to avoid detection from the powers that be... but everytime I try that lately I just yawn, look around suburbia and shrug.

I guess I must finally be growing up. Can't say that I'm pleased about it. I miss the secret adventure and intrigue. I miss the witty dialogue and the vague danger always threatening our way of life. I miss my various alter egos almost as much as I miss the characters who would fill my car or sit by me on the subway, or wait for me in an empty room or apartment.

Now all I think about is getting a home. getting a job. having kids.

draw what conclusions you will. I'm not certain I wish to think too hard about it anymore.