Yesterday was tough. I was in quite a dark place. I was frightened, depressed, bitter, discouraged, worried, stressed, hopeless, and grumpy!

But as my mother always says: "this too shall pass!"

And much of that black and stormy cloud has, indeed, passed- and I can see the sun again.

I drove by the house today and tried to say a final goodbye. I sat there in the car waiting for an epiphany or some sort of solid moment of closure. It never came. I was just a woman, sitting in her car, looking at a house and waiting. Life just isn't always like the theatre- or maybe it is, but it's alot more like a beckett play sometimes!

Finally I had to get up to the hospital to visit Mum so I drove away. Sans closure, sans epiphany, sans any sense of accomplishment. But I won't drive by again. Not for a long, long time.

I think the house will stay in my heart and my mind, but it will have to serve as less of a direct goal but more of a symbolic goal: when we get our act together and our life in order we can finally reach for our dream home, which may or may not look alot like this one!!

*****
On the Mum front: She's OK. Not great, but (knock on wood) not awful. They can't get the blood pressure under control and they need to test her for EVERYTHING! So she'll be there until at least Monday!

*****

In other, more productive news: I started the official paper work for my teaching license!!

Yay! On the road to over-qualified unemployment :)

Mum is in the hospital. Dad is barely better off. Every day seems to take them closer to peril in many ways, including financial, and I'm not in any position to do a damn thing to help.

I got a call back from the real estate agent today who encouraged me to put in a back-up offer on 40 Arlington street.

Aaron says forget it.

The numbers say forget it.

I'm so depressed I wish I could just disappear completely.

I didn't think it would hurt this much. But here I am, after I thought I'd moved on, weeping and crying "why me?" to the universe.

I don't know. I don't know anymore.

If it's meant to happen? I'm wondering if maybe we have to be less passive about our fate and be instead proactive. MAKE things happen.

Aaron is being so lazy and stand-offish about his own destiny that it is driving me crazy. I just want him to feel passionately, to have drive and to CARE and to MOVE. I know he's guarding himself and I know he has good reason, but he has so much talent and potential that my hear is ready to burst watching him sit here, not DOING what he's meant to be doing.

I want to disappear. I want to go back to Northeastern and do it all over. Until I saw this damned house I was content and even proud of all my life choices and achievements. Now I regret so much. and I hate feeling this way. If I'd just done it the way I was "supposed" to do it, we'd be ready to buy that damned house.

Now, because of all my detours we're missing the opportunity by just 'this' much. And my parents are sick and unable to care for themselves and I can't do anything but drive them to the hospital and watch them decline.

christ. I just want to disappear.

Had a blast meeting DJ and Amanda's whole brood! 5 lovely, energetic, personality-filled balls of fun! Of course seeing the big happy family made my uterus flip! Ah well. I'm trying to repeat the soothing mantra: "If it's meant to happen it will happen". I've had to repeat it so often about so many different aspects of life that it's becoming as second nature as my own name! Don't be surprised if you meet me one day soon and I intoduce myself as "If it's meant to happen it will happen!" or respond to "Hey Beth! How are you?" with a blithe but somewhat maniacal "IF ITS MEANT TO HAPPEN IT WILL HAPPEN!!!!"

Anyway. Winning 84 million dollars in the lottery was, apparently, not meant to happen last night. Neither was cleaning the apartment. Nor securing a student loan for the coming year, nor getting a call back from the realtors selling 40 Arlington street.

What was meant to happen yesterday? Visiting Dad but not doing anything productive (I.E. doing the garden or cleaning the bird cage), going to McMenamy's with Mum (yes I still hate fish and was relegated to the 'Landlubber's' section of the menu), Wathing a good chunk of the Law and Order SVU marathon (clang clang!), picking Matt up from driver's ed (driving by the house on Arlington Street for a minute or two since I was on that side of town anyway... sigh.), watching Stardust with aaron when we were beginning to go mad watching Law and Order (clang....yawn...clang...), Then going on a midnight adventure down route 44 and into haunted rehoboth.

So I didn't win the lottery. So I'm stressed about money and hanging on the edge of reason and reality. So what?

I'm enjoying my life, enjoying the time we have together before the shit officially hits the fan. Sometimes I wish we could just disappear and stay in this suspended state of fun and joy and laughter and warmth and cuddling and wasting hours and not worrying.

If it's meant to happen it will happen!

Tapas and troubles

Woke up this morning to the news that my much-needed student loan has been denied, even with the security of a well qualified co-signer. Fun fun. Turns out the screwing over Aaron & I got from AES is still haunting us and not even my brother's huge salary and spotless credit can save us!
So the next year or more is going to be miserable and miserly, pinching pennies and worrying from day to day to day to day. Hey, its a recession right?

So it seems only fitting that last night we had a wonderfully fulfilling evening of food and friendship at Jeff's! We had a dinner party with a "garden fresh tapas" theme. What a blast! Aaron and I went overboard as usual- spending more than we aught to achieve "garden fresh". Jeff spent alo0t less because he actuall has a garden and grows some fabulous vegetable and herbs!!

Anyhow, we had some great culinary innovations- I'm proud of my offerings and Aaron has invented something quite new and beautiful and exciting! So new and exciting that I'm not going to say anything more about it until it's prfected and marketed in our pastry shop one day!

Oh I sincerely hope we open a chocolate\pastry shop someday soon-- Aaron is so gifted and talented and innovative and passionate... I really think this is his calling.

Oh. And we didn't win the lottery, so still no hope for the house on Arlington street :) We figured if we had millions of dollars to play with it wouldn't matter who bought the house: we'd just walk up to them and say "how much you want for it?" and then it would be ours!

But no such luck.

Right now Aaron and I are headed over to grandma's to see aaron's cousins who are up visiting from Florida. We get to meet 2 or 3 new ones!

Growing Pains

So we've come to terms with our restless will to move on, to do something more, to step into the next phase of life. We want a home, not only a studio aprtment crammed to bursting. We want a family of our own, not just a passel of nieces and nephews and a pair or adorable, cuddly cats. We want careers, not simply jobs. We want.

As Aaron said yesterday on our long drive along the cape, delivering taffy and trying to reconcile the loss of a budding, ephemeral dream: "The Honeymoon's Over."

And what a grand honeymoon it has been. Making our home out of this small shell of an apartment, innumerable trips to Ikea and Lowes. Learning the joy and frustration of sharing such a tiny space. Cooking in the most bizzarrely shaped and cramped kitchenette imaginable. Taking delight in every orange accessory we found at a yard sale or at a bargain store. Hanging mirrors and framing photos and trying not to kill the houseplants.

And then enjoying it. Enjoying the loft bed he built with his own hands. Showing off the floating orange shelves we designed and built and installed together. Redesigning the office for a more efficient use of space (7x4 ish). Relaxing on the couch we searched high and low to find (and swallowed hard to shell out the $400.00 for!). Watching the tv we go in one of those doorbuster sales a few day-after-thanksgivings ago. picking books of the bookcases he designed and built. feeding and marveling at the little mouse we rescued from the wall or giggling at how grumpy our tiny robo dwarf hamster always looks.

And laughing. and smiling, and cuddling and sighing with contented satisfaction. This is our home. this is our nest. No matter where we move in the future or how many years go by this will always be our first home. The existence we carved out together. The box we decorated and rearranged and molded and shaped until it was and is ours. Our little piece of paradise with two orange chairs and too many pets.

We don't need a big house to be happy. We don't need the passel of kids I've always dreamt of. We don't need dream jobs or money or fame or anything in particular-- only eachother. Always each other.

These past two + years together as a married couple, here in our little studio have been the happiest of my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything. Not even that big beautiful perfect dream of a home on Arlington street.

I know wherever we end up will be prefectly wonderful because at the end of the day we'll come home to each other, and that is all I ever wanted, all I ever worked for and hoped for and prayed for. I am grateful beyond measure. I'm a luckyh, lucky woman and I don't want anything more than what we're already blessed with.

So let the honeymoon continue. No more yearning for things beyond our reach, no more itching to move on. There's nothing wrong with the here-and-now. It may be cramped. It may be humble. It may be all sorts of imperfect- but to me it is heaven.

Lost.

I heard from the real estate agent that the house has been sold. Maybe Aaron was right and I jinxed it by wanting it too much and returning time and again for more peeks and private tours.

As I stood at our tiny sink doing our too many dishes for two, I tried to accept the reality of the fact that I have always been a dreamer and those dreams haven't really been helpful at all.

We lost the house before we ever really had a chance to try for it.

In his text to me aaron writes: "Maybe it was a sign that we should start getting serious about getting a hhouse and really starting our life. There will be another house."

I have to have faith that there will, indeed, be another house. This was just a passing fancy one summer when we were on the brink of being grown-ups.

But the urge to scream and throw my dirty dishes instead of calmly wiping them clean and rinsing them off makes real the aching, bottomless pain I'm feeling at seeing something of our dream life fade away.

Next time I like a house I promise I won't jinx it. Like a little girl, superstitious, I will wait to tell anyone-- until I'm sure.

If there is a next time. More likely we'll settle on something subpar because we have to for one reason or another. Life is like that, isn't it? We'll be in a raised ranch in some tired little neighborhood without charm or grace, living on the top floor with my parents on the bottom- Aaron working himself to death to pay the too-high mortgage on a house we don't particularly like and felt pressured into buying.

Maybe we'll move away. I'm beginning to like that idea alot.

I dread seeing the house on Arlington street subdivided into apartments and whored out for people who couldn't care less about the home's original charm and beauty and ... oh who the hell cares?

Sometimes life gets a little to busy to blog- but I've made a commitment and though I've missed a day or so, here I am, back again to unload all my emotional baggage into the vacuum of cyberspace!

After telling Jeff all about the house on Arlington St., he offered to go an take pictures. We did just that. It was an adventure and a great day. In the hot august-like swelter of midmorning we ventured first into the carriage house and then into the home itself. It feels as if it is mine already- a dangerous and foolish notion that is bound to break my heart.

When I showed the pictures to a dubious Michelle- my sister who is always practical and level headed, I watched her face carefully to try to read it. I was already a little depresses and down because of our recent phone conversation-- I was walking around Lowe's dreaming of kitchen remodeling for the fixer-upper dream home and she was leveling some stern and practical words to the wise.

I came home with an armful of kitchen and bath magazines and went on a wonderful trip to New Hampshire with Aaron to deliver taffy! The ride consisted of me trying to subtly talk kitchens and remodeling and "can we pleeeeeease buy a house we can't possibly afford?" and texting my brother about the insanity of Glenn Beck.

By the time I went to Michelle's for dinner I'd had a tiff with Danny, a tiff with Aaron, and had just about given up on support for the House. Michelle had intimated that Mum had told her how much work the house would need and nothing more. In other words: It's nice to dream Beth, but sometime or other you'll have to just grow up.

So I watched her face with a mixture of guarded detatchment and eager nerves. I peeked over her shoulder and peppered in comments and excuses and qualifying statements. "You can't tell from the pictures but the carriage house is HUGE! It's a house unto itself..." or "It would need work, obviously, but there's already electricity and plumbing running to it, so I think it's doable", and "Aaron and I always wanted a fixer-upper!" or "Oh yeah, the kitchen is a total gut-job; well that's where the water damage is-- must have been a burst pipe..."

For what seemed like an eon she said nothing, only nodded or tsked or expressed with her eyebrows. I felt again like the little girl with the barbie house, like I was being patiently endured, indulged.

When she was ahlfway through the photos she stopped and looked at me and in a barely-more-than-whispered hush she said to me: "I almost think you HAVE to go for it!"

So I'm not as crazy as all that. Or maybe the house makes us all crazy...

Guest!

I didn't sleep easy last night. We had a ton of cleaning left to do but the butterflies and snakes in my belly were so persistent and all-consuming that I decided to "rest", which turned into watching MST3K and falling asleep. The butterflies? A mild panic attack I'm pretty sure.

I want the house. We want to start our lives. It isn't going to happen anytime soon. life is setting me up for some kind of big lesson, but as I can already see it coming the meanwhile is so bitter and painful that I ache and long and yearn and ache. When I was a little girl I was sure it was the rectory... now its Arlington Street, and neither seems to be meant to be!

Yesterday, the 27th, was our anniversary- 12 years together. I know we have a wedding anniversary now too, but I don't like the idea of just forgetting this one, though that's precisely what we did!

Instead of doing something romantic to commemorate the day we had Jeff over! What a blast! We made delicious food, engaged in irreverent conversation, daydreamed aloud and then played an assortment of games.

12 years. We're ready for a house. We're ready for a family. and yet we're not.

It was great to have Jeff over. He always makes us dream and hope and reach for all our potential. Tonight I'll dream of big old houses, of candy shoppes and little kids with Aaron's eyes, of joy and kitchens and lavender and taffy.

Adventure

Aaron and I had a fun adventure today. He was feeling restless so we decided to go play minigolf. We toyed with the idea of going right down the street to the adorably stuck-in-the-fifties Par 3, walking there and maybe getting an italian ice or milkshake at good days, but in the end decided upon a grander scheme. Aaron decided he wanted to go play mini golf at a grand mini golf paradise with pirates and waterfalls and all the bells and whistles. He had seen such a place on his taffy delivery yesterday, so into White Thunder (our buick, gift from Danny and Rachel and a blessing indeed!), and off we set to the cape!

So, apparently, had everyone else. It was about 11 am and the roads to the cape were crazy congested. As we had no appointments to meet we didn't mind the pace. It was all about the adventure. Here's the thing about us: we like to take drives together. Many people hate driving places but as long as we're together driving is a breeze. We'd rather drive to a faraway destination than fly because we so thoroughly enjoy one another's company.

We went to a great little candy shop in Orleans a couple of hours later. We checked out all the touristy things like kitschy mugs and superfluous lighthous magnets. It was fun to see all the taffy he'd delivered the day before out on display and ready to buy! We got cranberry honey and chocolate covered cranberries.

We never found the pirate golf. But we drove and drove. We drove all the way to P-town, we drove to the ocean. We drove through dunes and tiny cape side streets. We drove and talked and laughed and ate at a mexican restaurant and a pizza place and we drove and drove and drove.

We never made it to mini golf at al, not even little Par 3 right down the street. Maybe tomorrow. Today was quite enough of an adventure and quite full enough even without minigolf!!

It really felt like my first day of summer, and I am happy.

As Promised

Well I said I'd do it every damn day so here I am, sitting in front of the lappy, still half buzzed from the end of Shakespeare Intensive Party, writing a blog post.

Oh I had had such high hopes for the second installment of my recently reinstated blog but those hopes have gone out the window. Instead of waxing poetic all I can muster is a giddy, half-looped :Woooohoooooooooo!!!! YAYYYYYYY!! I never could have guessed that a one week intensive could be so... well, INTENSE!

Ah. Summer at last. And 4 credits closer to the Master's Degree.

The morning was rough. I was almost paralyzed with the anxiety of having to perform my monologue today. Crazy, I know. Irrational? Certainly. Silly? Admittedly. But there it is. After years of formal training I still get stage fright-- I think it was tied in to the high esteem in which I hold my peers in the class. I got myself all worked up because I wanted to prove worthy.

I think I did.

The relief has made me giddy. The pair of margaritas made me delighted!

And I may or may not have taken another unauthorized tour of that house I want to but... sigh.

It has literally been years since my last post.

Sheesh.

A great deal has happened in that space of time. Only a few days after my last post my high school sweetheart and I eloped, on New Years Day 2007 and we have been most happily married since. 2 years of marriage, but with 12 years together under our belt! Holy Mackerel.

Lets see. Since the end of the tour I have completed my BFA in Musical Theatre- which I accomplished by taking all my required classes ONLINE- quite an experience, let me tell you. I WISH I had had the presence of mind to blog about THAT! And right from completion of that degree I rolled right into Graduate School!

I now attend Emerson College in Boston, studying to be a Master of Theatre Education! This fall I'll be student teaching and then thrust into the job market after two years of persistently avoiding it!

I sure do seem to have a fondness for exclamation points, don't I?

Life had been very good, very fun, very challenging and pretty damn full. Pleanty of ups and downs, but I have a knack for remembering mostly the 'ups' and blocking out the 'downs'- I think this is the Irish in me-- it drives my husband a bit bananas when we have an argument and he insists we've had the argument before and I just can't seem to recall such a thing!

Anyway, just wanted to get all the exposition out of the way so I can start fresh with this blog. The goal is to write a little every day- and I DO mean a little, just to keep in practice-- a friend's blog is like that and it serves him well, so I'm going to take a crack at it.

The nice thing about this is this: I don't think anyone's watching anymore, so for a little while at least, I'm going to feel like a kid playing pretend-- uninhibited and free to do as I please. I will probably also dress up in funny hats and curtains whilst I do it.

So there it is. A way to process the happenings of everyday life instead of abandoning them forever to the ether-- capturing a little bit of ephemera and translating it into the blogosphere.

Fun!

Right now I have to get ready for class. I'm taking a one-week intensive on Teaching Shakespeare! Today we'll be practicing our teaching skill and learning from the Master (Maureen Shea) while we take turns exploring and performing our monologues. GULP!

"Here at the end of all things..."

Hey Folks!

It has been a few weeks I think- and very busy weeks indeed! Like a snowball rolling down a steep hill this tour is rocketing toward its conclusion at alarming and exhilerating speed, and today is the conclusion at last! I only have a few extra minutes this morning since we don't have to packm our luggage in the van today.

I am thrilled. This tour has been a life changing experience for me. Of course I'll do a mega post soon with all my feelings, goodbyes, pictures and so forth- but for now I have to get my big ugly winter coat on (for what is hopefully the LAST time) the one I bought from St. Vincent DePaul in St. Louis to keep me cozy during frigid load ins and outs. My company and I must once again chow down the hotel's continental breakfast (trying to improvise new and exciting ways to eat toast and harboiled eggs-- you should see some of the creative concoctions we invent to keep food ennui from consuming us), pile into the big white van that has become our second home over these months, and set up that set ONE LAST TIME!!

I have to run- just know how thrilled I am- bittersweet to be saying goodbye to friends, but so ecstatic to be heading home for the holidays at last. My tour of duty is ending- the last battle is at hand. Wish us luck! By the time you read this I will most likely be a free woman- and getting on UNEMPLOYMENT!!!!!!

NEW!

Well Everybody, they New Year is shaping up to be quite NEW indeed! I just recently recieved word that I have been accepted to the NEW SCHOOL in manhattan. I'll be completeing my bachelor's degree, which (no matter what courses I take) will be a BFA in Musical Theatre! Since the New School has a sort of partnership or 'understanding' with AMDA all my work and credits count toward my degree there- making it the only logical and practical choice of school for me! Not that I'm settling! Far from it- it is a wonderful school. Very progressive, very well respected and engaging. This is the place where they do "INSIDE THE ACTOR'S STUDIO" and also "PROJECT RUNWAY". Many famous, talented and well respected members of society have attended, and I'm thrilled to be accepted!

Since my work at AMDA has sealed up my requirements for my degree, I am pretty much able to take whichever classes appeal to my whim! The New School has a very buffet-style education anyhow, allowing one to tailor their education to fit their goals- with the help and guidance of an academic advisor of course. I'll be part of the B.A. for continuing education group, which is geared toward adults- professionals who already have careers but seek to finish their degrees or start new ones. This means they expect a certain level of maturity, and expect the task of tailoring one's education will not be taken lightly or frivolously.

Personally I have some pretty solid and certain goals. It'd be nice to goof off and take a whole variety of random courses that might appeal to me- especially after AMDA, which was in essence Musical Theatre Boot-Camp, allowing no choice or say in class selection whatsoever- BUT I am too ambitious for that. I want to study filmmaking and screenwriting- and earn the certificates in said programs, to get my feet firmly along that path! This means another intensive and rigorous course plan- but after being out of school for a while I'm excited to jump back in and sink my teeth into this challenge! I hope to be an important film director in time!

In the meantime I'll be back in New York, back on the Theatre scene and able to audition again!! Maybe I'll land a big time role!

Love you very much and will keep you updated!

Love, BETH

This Land was Made for You and ME!

What an opportunity I’ve been granted! To see the places and things I’ve only previously seen in text books or on television. It really is a great boon to get to see this nation of ours while doing the work I was trained to do. I’ve been privileged enough to stay in some of the greatest cities and lovliest places in our land, and all on the company dime! Sure, sometimes it’s really just a drive-by viewing and a lament of “we hardly knew ye!”, but nonethe less we’ve been having a great time running around America, taking it by storm!

Among my favorite excursions was the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose. It has to be seen to be believed my friends. This batty old lady was the heiress to the Winchester Rifle fortune in the days before income tax; in short she was loaded. She was also quite eccentric and probably more than a little bored. After her Husband and only child succumbed to tuberculosis she was overcome with grief and sought spiritual advice with a medium, hoping to contact her deceased loved ones in séance sessions. (This was a very popular and fashionable movement for the wealthy upper class at the time- even Mary Todd Lincoln jumped on this bandwagon at its advent nearly half a decade previously.) During one of these sessions, as legend has it, the medium informed Mrs. Winchester that the reason her loved ones had been taken from her was as punishment. Bad fortune had befallen Mrs. Winchester because of all the souls killed by Winchester Rifles. The medium told Mrs. Winchester that she must appease the souls killed by the Winchester rifles or suffer even more misfortune.

Apparently the spirits wanted her to build them a house, to CONTINUALLY build a house 24 hours a day, 7 days a week NON-STOP until the day she died. She did just that. She had carpenters and construction workers working at all hours with only the vaguest building plans, which were provided-, no joking- by the spirits who communicated their desires during weekly séances. This results in a very confused, jumbled together and ENORMOUS estate with bizarre features such as stairs that go directly up and disappear into ceilings, doors that open into walls, windows on the interior of the house, French doors in the floor, and even a door that opens up to a three-story drop.

By the end of the hour tour we’d seen over 60 rooms with hundreds left un viewed, we’d walked a full mile puzzling over the mental state and financial situation of this whimsical woman, and according to our tour guide, witnessed more panes of glass than are contained in the Empire State building. Such a Mind Trip! I encourage you to check it out online, and I can’t wait to show you pictures. I mean, one of my favorite parts was the 7\11 staircase: It was a series of three short staircases going up and down and over, that, when you were through took you right back to the same level of the house only about 10 feet away—in short, a HALLWAY would have sufficed, but I suppose the spirits thought that too mundane! The best part of the whole thing is: even though she had some insane number of bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchens, dining rooms, sitting rooms and so forth, she NEVER ENTERTAINED GUESTS, never, because she was in mourning. Wild huh?

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS . . .

I also had occasion to Visit the fabulously spectacular city of
LAS VEGAS! It was quite bright and glittery and everything the movies make it appear, and I was surprised to find myself enjoying it! I wanted to see it of course, but didn’t think I’d take to it- I’m such a staunch New England Girl (not fond of too much nonsense and excess), but the fancy and whimsy of the place really made me feel like a little kid! A little kid with a margarita, but hey! I don’t care for gambling, but played some slots under threat of death from my mother (“You’re in VEGAS, you HAVE to try it!), and had fun (though I only won a few dollars at most.). I loved looking at all the themed hotels and marveling at how clever the designers and architects were to have conceived of and completed them. I enjoyed seeing clumps of Elvis impersonators hanging out together and posing for photos. I had fun spotting various locations used in major motion pictures. And mostly I was in good company with some incredible friends. I can understand why Mum and Nannie enjoyed it so much- smoking is allowed EVERYWHERE! And do you know what? Everyone was friendly and helpful. I suppose this is because they want you to be in a pleasant mood so you’ll spend the most money possible at their establishment, but nonetheless I appreciated the kindness.

Then we headed down to Arizona where I spent Thanksgiving away from my family. This was hard, it was a bit sad and it was a first: The first time I’d ever missed a thanksgiving in Massachusetts. It was surreal to go swimming –outside- in the late fall, but It was pleasant. It was strange to be watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade from a hotel room with a view of palm trees, cacti and sunshine, but that too was oddly pleasant. In fact, when it was time to head down to breakfast, out of force of habit (23 years in the making) I looked around for my shoes and coat before I realized a robe and slippers would suffice: see, we always put the cider outside in the snow or chill to get it cold enough for dinner, but here it would have actually become more like mulled apple cider out in the desert sun!

THE FLORA AND THE FAUNA

One of the most delightful and exciting parts about this expansive cross-country journey has been the flora and fauna along the way. Sometimes I grapple with the reality of it, that I am ACTUALLY seeing a huge mountain, that it is not on t.v., or that I am REALLY watching buffalo munch away on a butte, not looking at a photo in National Geographic. It is spectacular and humbling to witness some of the sunrises and sunsets, to be dwarfed by the forests on the incredible Northwest, to get a sunburn at the beach in the middle of November and to touch petrified wood in the petrified forest and then drive through the painted desert and gape at the beautiful painted mountains!

Beyond the scenic wonders is the wildlife. I have seen Deer and Antelope playing as well as buffalo roaming. I have witnessed huge birds that look like something out of Jurassic Park. Wild horses, vultures dining on roadkill, coyotes (umm roadkill, but still, nothing I’d ever see back home!) lizards, and even some dangerous little beasties!

In California we all stopped in our tracks as a spider rappelled down before us. As we skirted around the gigantic ting and were marveling at how large it was, we recognized the tell-tale orange-red hourglass shape on it’s body. That’s right, a genuine BLACK WIDOW SPIDER, and yours truly nearly walked right into it and got the thing stuck in my hair!! Then in Tucson one of the stage hands had to capture a little trouble maker as it tried to invade the theatre. He had it in a Tupperware container and was glad to show us tourists the baby SCORPION! Apparently a baby variety of the most poisonous and deadly scorpion in the south west. He told us that even though it was just a baby it would still pack quite a punch if it stung, and the pain would be considerable- even lose-a-limb dangerous if not treated properly!

A Black Cat Didn't Cross My Path, but . . .

But sometimes mother nature is more than something to gawk at out the window of our quickly moving vehicle, or ooh & ahh over above a Tupperware container. Sometimes, like on the drive from Oregon to Reno Nevada, she has plans of a more interactive variety. I was the driver for the second half of this journey, for when the drives are long (10-14 hours long) we split it up between two people. Megan drove through most of Oregon- a beautiful drive through state preserves and the strange alkali lake region of the ‘oregon outback’. I kept calling out the window for bigfoot- a gutteral sort of wailing something like Chewbacca does in Star Wars, but much less effective- hoping to sight the Sasquatch and get them on film, but to no avail. The first half of the trip was wonderfully scenic but not terribly eventful.

Then I got behind the wheel. Folks, I have never hit an animal. I had never, before this journey, come very close to hitting an animal (except for the times Daubach likes to lay in the driveway regardless of my Honda’s intention of parking right where he is sun-bathing), let alone had so many close calls in one drive! I NEARLY HIT 5 CREATURES in about 5 HOURS!

The first was a cow. Now, incase you haven’t traveled across the country you should know this: every contiguous state of this union has cows. Some states have more cows than others maybe, but every state we’ve driven through has contained at least one cow farm that we pass regrettably, holding our breath for the stench. Usually the cows are in pens. Large paddocks, fenced in areas to the left and right of the highway. This cow, however, was a rebel. She was standing precisely in the center of the road. Standing there pleased as pie and with no real intent to move apparently. Luckily this was not a major highway so I was the only vehicle around and wasn’t going very fast, else this cow would be through. I slowed down and we all took pictures of her. I guess she was camera shy, however and didn’t care for the paparazzi because she trotted off the road looking embarrassed and we waved goodbye on our merry way. I was very glad I had been paying full attention to the road, and kind of excited to have an “I almost hit a COW!” story.

As we drive along I’m careful to pay more attention to the signs along the side of the road that you usually ignore= the ones regarding animals that have the potential for wandering into your path at any given moment. The signs start telling me that LIVESTOCK may happen across my path fro the next 6 miles. Where was that warning BEFORE I’d nearly hit the cow? So I’m joking and looking out for crossing farm animal, when I DO see something venturing into the road ahead of me! My brain is rapidly trying to process what variety of livestock this creature could be while simultaneously performing the proper emergency avoidance procedure that the driver of a vehicle must perform, when finally I realize that this animal isn’t livestock, but rather a dog—a dog wearing a cone around his neck! Maybe he had fleas or had just been neutered, but for whatever reason this dog felt so depressed he wanted to fling himself into traffic. At the last moment however, he must have decided that wearing a cone wasn’t the end of the world and he turned back with only precious seconds to spare! Crazy mutt! So now it’s strange that I’ve nearly hit two animals and I’m beginning to feel a bit uneasy.

Now the sun is setting (which is a tricky time to drive) and it is getting dark quickly. We’re somewhere in California and the sunset over a huge lake has been so beautiful I have trouble keeping my eyes on the road. However I must have had them on the road just enough because I very narrowly escape plowing our van into a large young Buck. Antlers and everything! There he was, majestic as anything, sauntering across the road without bothering to look both ways! This one was a much closer call than the cow, had to really hit the brakes, as it was dark and I didn’t see him till I was too close for comfort. I apologized profusely to my shaken passengers, but they were happy I’d stopped short rather than hit it! Knees shaking I continue.

The drive is uneventful for a time, but I feel a distinct apprehension. 3 near misses- the next time I’m bound to hit something. I can only pray that it is small and not human. I start joking that about the hypothetical menagerie of animals that may find themselves drawn before the beam of my headlights, and since we are now driving through parts of the desert I start imagining even Extra Terrestrials crossing my ill-fated path.

We get off on a wrong exit and have to take a strange little connector road with corn crops towering next to us and hardly a car in sight when I have to break fo another animal! It wasn’t an alien, but a skunk! Waddling right across the road at a leisurely pace. Now this is just getting crazy!

We drive by a freshly killed coyote and I feel as though that was a near miss for me as well, when a huge bird (probably an OWL) dives infront of the van, deciding that a fine cruising altitude of 3 feet would be safe! As I’m on the highway at this point and it happened so fast I just have to be grateful that that Owl’s luck held out and he just barely flirted with the disaster that would have been him smeared all over my grill.

By this time we were nearly to the hotel and I couldn’t be happier- my knees were weak and I was drained from the undue amount of vigilance I had needed to maintain. Maybe Mother Nature had it in for me, maybe it was a coincidence, but NOBODY else on this tour has ever come close to hitting any animals, yet I had 5 encounters in one ride! Boy am I glad I wasn’t driving in BigFoot territory- I would have felt just awful hitting something so endangered and rare- not to mention the Damage he’d do to the van!

Love you, and can’t wait to come home to New England where the flora and fauna are better proportioned!

-BETH

P.S.
The American Southwest is quite an interesting place, very evocative of the movie westerns and childhood imaginings of cowboys and indians. Here is a short list of some of my favorite place-names that we drove by:

Dead Man Wash
Horse Thief Canyon
Bloody Basin
Dead Horse Gulch
Dry Beaver Creek
Two Guns
Meteor Crater Road
Dead River
Coyote Landing
Crazy Creek
Big Bug Creek

A DAY IN THE LIFE . . .

Monthly Update

Well folks, it certainly wasn’t my intention to continually go so long between posts, but life on the road is a lot busier and more exhausting than I ever could have anticipated! After a typical morning of waking at 5:30 am; a bath routine of showering, brushing teeth, brushing hair, dressing and re-packing my suitcase; getting my items packed into the van; checking out the continental breakfast to see if there’s anything remotely palatable or containing at least a modicum of nutritional value (I wish I were joking- the over-sugared, half-frozen, bruised or week-old items they set out every dawn at some of these hotels would raise your eyebrows or maybe raise bile in your throat most of the time!), we pile into the van by 7:30 ish (7:45 if the Lord has smiled upon us) to be at the space by 8am. {Keep in mind folks that this is a typical day, not a NEW VENUE day or a particularly difficult Load-in where we’d move the whole schedule up a half hour or hour: Joy of Joys!}

Once at the venue we start unpacking the truck and setting up all our various and sundry equipment and constructing the set. This involves working with the local crew and tech-staff. Usually this goes well enough, but occasionally we get stuck with know-it-all crews or especially stubborn crew, crews who are actually temps and have never set foot behind stage or in a theatre (I’m not joking- not even a bit- this has happened several timesJ) and my particular favorite variety of uncooperative crew: THE SEXIST CREW! Being raised in the American Northeast sometime after the 1965 I have rarely encountered such levels of sexism and backward thinking, but visiting some of these (well Backwater is the term I’m thinking, but that sounds rude…) out-of-the-way places—places well outside the modern century, More than half of our company is looked at as weak, incompetent, unnatural, useless and maybe delusional for choosing a man’s career. What a way to start a morning huh? But honestly, we just grin and bear it most of the time because to make up for the handful of really jerk populated crews we get blessed with wonderful, helpful, fun and professional crews the rest of the time.

From about 8:15 (if the un-loading went well) until 9am I am meeting with the house sound tech and determining technical issues like ‘where can I plug in?’ and then having him do all the time-consuming tasks that require little-to-no brain power (I do this as busy-work while I set up more important stuff, usually because of the slow or incompetent crews, it is a safe default.) We have to set up my speakers, run cables, set up my sound rack, and set up my microphones.

At 9am I swap my sound engineer hat for the stylish House Manager cap and set out to locate my ushers and the local house manager. Like the crew, this collection of people can also be temps (which makes life really un-pleasant), they can be quite stubborn and set in their ways (this can be very difficult, but often ends up being a blessing because these people know the house and have run the house the exact same way since the fall of the confederacy), ancient (again, anti-bellum. I can’t tell you how many octogenarian house staff I’ve encountered. They are precious but often have difficulty with America’s teenagers of today), or completely wonderful (well-trained, flexible and cooperative.) I meet with them for 5 to 10 minutes outlining Chamber’s policies and procedures, relaying any special seating information and thanking them profusely for all their anticipated help.

Then I hustle back into the auditorium to finish my mic-set up and to run a sound check, determining levels and making sure everything is in working order—a very important step when your sound equipment lives in a truck getting jostled and rattled around daily!

By 9:45 we are supposed to open the house and start seating the schools. Sometimes this happens, but due to inevitable technical difficulties (old equipment, broken set, etc.)it usually ends up being closer to 9:50 to 10:00. When we’re ready to open I head uot to the lobby and greet the school groups!! This involves checking every teacher in and going over the behavior guidelines, getting them to sign financial papers, and handing them off to the ushers for seating. Sometimes there are only a handful of schools with groups of 30 to 50 and this goes quickly and efficiently. More often however I’m dealing with a veritable ZOO out front with 30 groups waiting to be seated, all of them wanting the front- the best seats, when the house is at full capacity of nearly 3,000 people! Eventually we get them all seated (though not always happily), and barring the old ‘Bus Breakdown’ story or ‘We’re lost and can’t find parking!’ all the schools are using the restrooms in droves and chattering loudly before the curtain goes up at 10:30!

The first act consists of THE TELL TALE HEART and THE LEGEND OF SLEEPY HOLLOW, both of which the kids really seem to enjoy. They love the blood and murder in Tell Tale and get a kick out of the silly humor and special effects in Sleepy Hollow. During the first act I am usually still fiddling with levels and knobs trying to get the sound as perfect as possible (My father’s daughter), and during long stretches without any sound cues I’m starting my paperwork.

At intermission I run backstage and am in charge of changing the set. Our Stage manager does one half and I do the other. This means adding platform extensions, putting out new props, moving benches and dressing the set.

Then Act Two! Act Two means THE MONKEY’S PAW, THE NECKLACE, and THE CELEBRATED JUMPING FROG OF CALAVERAS COUNTY. The second act always starts off a bit rough, because the kids have just had about 15 minutes to get vociferous, to get up and use the restrooms, and to generally goof-off. However, by the exciting technical-extravaganza of a climax where the zombie son crawls home from the graveyard the kids are generally rapt. Then comes The Necklace. This one always surprises me- it is a lot of exposition, a lot of dialogue with not much action, in a word: It’s Boring for an audience of middle-schoolers. HOWEVER, in the end, when the ironic twist is revealed, the kids are really vocal in their response- they talk about the turn of events to their neighbors all throughout the scene shift into FROG and seem genuinely excited about what they have just seen. The reactions range from dismayed gasps to surprised laughs, even to shouted exclamations such as: “OH SNAP!” or “WHAT?!?!?” or “NO WAY!!!”. The teachers try to shush them, but we smile, glad that they have been hooked by the story. Then, across the board, every audience has LOVED the Jumping Frog story. This is like watching a cartoon come to life. Very campy, but they eat it up. A grown man in huge frog flippers doing a tiny falsetto voice just puts them in stitches every time! Then they all leave in an up-beat mood and it’s great to hear them as they exit comparing favorites or arguing over which was the best. It makes me proud to be a part of this venture- bringing theatre to young audiences who might otherwise never get to see something like this—keeping a grand tradition alive.

OK! Now we breakdown the set and equipment, pack it all away in boxes, on carts and such, then start re-packing the truck! I also have to call the home office and report financial information and relay the day’s events, while getting all the necessary info for the next day’s show. The show should end by 12:15 and we should be out by 2pm (one minute over and Chamber has to pay the union people for another whole hour! Nice union to be a part of huh?). We then hop in the vehicles and travel, often for many hours, to the next city where we lug our stuff into the hotel of the moment and generally collapse on our questionably-clean sheets. It is a gamble whether or not the hotel will have internet access, and even if I do have it I’m often too tired to muster the will to blog!

Now you know what my life is like. We live for weekends or small pleasures like good lunch or internet access. However, despite being so busy and tired, I am ultimately happy. This tour has improved immeasurably since our new stage manager Ahsley’s arrival on the scene. We are all a lot happier, more sane and in general more excited about our work. I am, of course, missing home, and eager to be on the way back at last, but am ultimately glad to have some incredible memories and fond feelings to take back with me- not to mention the valuable learning experiences (awww, sappy huh? Movie of the week ;).

See you all before you know it!

Love Always,

BETH

You're the Best!

A quick thanks to all those who keep checking back regularly and leave me comments too! I enjoy you words of encouragement, advice, support and humour! Especially Aunt Reggie, Aunt Nancy and DER!! (I know others read too, particularly Mum, but leaving a message is tricky- I understand!). I have Aunt Nancy's E-mail, but I don't have everyones, so be sure to drop me a virtual line sometime too!

My email is available in my Blog Profile (or I'm sure dad will be glad to give it to you :)

Love Always,
Beth

At Last!

Hello, and welcome back to the blog that has been grossly overdue for some time now! I'm Beth and I'll be your host through another harrowing installment of: "Tour Happenings 2006!" Fasten your Seatbelts folks, it has been a VERY bumpy ride for the past few weeks.

The first order of business: Heartfelt Thanks are in order for my dear relatives who have taken me in, taken me out, taken me into their hearts and shown me a greatn time on this side of the continent! Those crazy and wonderful Carnathans! First Aunt Jane and Uncle Chip in Colorado, then Mr. and Mrs. Jesse Carnathan in Seattle- I was treated like a foreign dignitary or a traveling diplomat. In denver I was treated to a home cooked meal of delicious steak with loads of fresh veggies (which I don't get nearly enough of on the road) and even home-made desert-- I took an entire plate of brownies back to my tour mates and they nearly wept with joy- the yummy squares of love were devoured not only for dessert that very night but also for breakfast the next morning!!

Then I went to Colorado Springs for a day, where it SNOWED! Snow in mid October, it was magical, and very exciting (though confusing to my inner calender). After which we returned to Denver to play the same theatre {Don't ask, I've learned it is better not to think too hard about why THE OFFICE does what they do}. So, as an extra bonus I got to visit with Uncle Chip & Aunt Jane again, this time over a delicious Chinese Dinner where I tried Lamb and Moo Shoo!!!! It was really a pleasure visiting with them, catching up on years of happenings, seeing wedding photos and generally enjoying being in the bosom of my loved ones- It's a pleasant thing to find out you like your relatives, that you genuinely enjoy their company and can talk easily with them at length. I feel as though I have really made friends in them.

As if that weren't fantastic enough, I then got to see my Awesome cousin Jesse and his beautiful wife Kandace. They took me to a really atmospheric and delectable restaurant in Seattle where we enjoyed a great evening of cathing-up and laughs. I teased Jesse about how geeky we always thought he and Paul were growing up, and how weird it was having cousins all the way out in Colorado- but then told him how excited and delighted we all were when we found out how funny, cool, and FUN they are now that we're adults! Jesse and Kandace showed me a really great time and again I felt as though I'd made friends as well as touched base with long lost relatives. Kandace is really wonderful- warm and friendly and gracious and I'm so glad to have her as a cousin- and though it is mushy, she and Jesse are a wonderful, sweet and fun couple of people to be around. I told them I look forward to treating them to dinner when I have a place someday.

2 Oxen are Dead...

We took a highway route that is basically the famous Oregon Trail and continually made jokes about our wagon wheel breaking or finding a river that was too wide to ford. The running joke was about dead oxen, or which one of us would be the first to succumb to a fatal snake bite. Little did we know that our joking would turn out to be prophetic!
In many ways we have felt like those pioneers of the westward expansion- our belongings breaking, our endurance being constantly tried and battled day-in and day-out with new and unforseeable challenges, we have seen new and awe-inspiring sights and we have all, I think, felt humbled and blessed by the experiences as we long to see it through to the conclusion and pine for home simultaneously. And, as in that treasured childhood game of ours, One member of our party fell off the proverbial covered wagon.

After a great deal of unnecessary struggle, angst, misery, akwardness, and mendacity- Our Stage Manager decided to QUIT THE TOUR. I'll have you know that this decision was not argued by any member of our company- it really is best- but I know many of us felt betrayed, let down or even mildly disgusted. Quitting isn't an easy thing to stomach, even if you know it is the best option. This tour proved too much for him and he made the move I think to preserve his own sanity and well-being----- but one can't help but feel he took the only life-raft off a sinking ship (and we all know the rule of the sea: The captain goes down with the ship! [not the other rule of the sea which allows cannibalism if no land is in sight, we haven't resorted to that . . . YET]).
Ultimately I wish him no ill will, but I must say this: In this or any profession you must be accountable for your actions and must always make yourself equal to the responsibilities given you. In this life you must have a modicum (at least) of common sense and decency and mus endeavor to THINK. Think before you do something, think about the ramifications of your actions, think about how you are affecting those around you and think ahead. Open your eyes and SEE.
It astonishes me that anyone could get through life without these essentials, let alone achieve a position of leadership and responsibility.

After the news that he'd quit life on tour got a bit bizarre- or more bizarre than it had already been. We were presented with a distinct air of somebody who ahs checked out- somebody who was just barely going through the minimum requirements to get the days completed, and we fended for ourselves. I am proud that we all hung together DESPITE and put on some great shows and didn't resort to that 'other' rule of the sea and kill him for his blood! (Please read this with a sense of humor, I am, of course, not vampiric--- though my irish REARDON temper did threaten to let my itching fingers wrap around his throat once or a hundred times! heeeeheeeeheee)
Then we had a substitute stage manager for about a week, which was already much better though still a bit akward since she was so transitional we couldn't really feel settled. We were like a family being bounced around to different foster parents! You already feel uprooted due to the fact that you're away from all your friends and family, seeing places unfamiliar and foreign, and sleeping in a different bed nightly- and now you're presented with new management of a sudden- really quite strange and unsettling. I had serious knots in my stomach quite often, I'm glad I didn't get an ULCER!!!

We had a neat little halloween party in Reno with goody bags and scary stories on the T.V. - very low-key but nice because a huge dead weight had been removed from around our necks, and we all toasted to a new beginning.

Friends and Enemies, A new beginning it has been! Ashley arrived at the advent of November and has been absolutely wonderful. We all told ourselves that we didn't have to like her personally as long as she got the job done, but the bonus is we like her AND she does her job! What a novel idea. She is competant, reliable, handy, resourceful, laid back, unflappable and very professional. She is also a really fun person to hang out with outside of work. The Chamber tour has recieved new blood and it shows- we all smile alot more, we are more pleasant in the morning on the way to work, and we feel more optimistic and positive about life in general. It had been really rough for a while with a whole gossip magazine's worth of scandal, lies, miscommunications and drama (drama? on a THEATRE tour? never!), but she has brought a clarity. a focus. direction and simply relief. The churning and knotting in mys stomach is finally easing. I'm enjoying my friends and enjoying the scenery and even the lame continental breakfasts alot more!

Next time on BLOG:
-The Winchester Mystery House
-My close call with St. Christopher
-What's the deal with my crappy eqiptment?
-November = the birthday month
-A New Englander in the wild west on THANKSGIVING (my thoughts and trepidations)

Tune in Next Time Folks!

Love, BETH

P.S. I hope you enjoyed the slideshow- did you like seeing me with my first Tumbleweed?!?!?!?!

Throwing you a bone!

AAAAHHHRRRRGGG!
It is frustrating to have lost that entire blog, and every day that passes only adds to the anticipation for my next post! Today we had two shows back-to-back, a DOUBLE HEADER if you will, so I'm pretty exhausted. A whole lot of goings on have been, wll... going on! I can't wait to fill you in, but for now please enjoy this little slideshow I've whipped up. It's meant to pacify you, to titillate you and to leave you eager for more!
While it lacks the stunning technical values that a STAR WARS teaser trailer might have, I hope you feel giddy and warm when you see it- and it will give you some nice visuals to go along with the new blog (whenever I end up posting... )

Also, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Love, BETH

Computer Woes

hey everyone! Happy Halloween :) Just to give you the latest: I had a monster blog all typed up and ready when the internet spazzed out on me and I lost it before I could post it! Now I'll have to start from scratch. I'm really excited to have you all read up on what's been happening on tour, so I'll try and have it up tonight. I love you all and have been having a great time!
Until we meet again... :)

Beth

Everything's up to date in Kansas City!

Last weekend we had the onderful luxury of spending a long weekend in Kansas City, Missouri.
Folks, let me tell you that Kansas City may well be my favorite city outside of New England- definately my favorite thus far. It was simply charming! It had the amenities of a city: Shops, restaraunts, cinemas, coffee shops, book stores, parks, statues, PEOPLE, pubs, museums, etc. But it is still a wuite manageable size- smallish-to-middling, so as not to overwhelm or dwarf a visitor. It had lovely brick buildings, cobblestoned walkways, it was impeccably clean and it was very friendly. You may not hear it every day, but I highly recommend KANSAS CITY, MO as a fine vacation spot, a wonderful place to visit.
Not only was CHAMBER THEATRE in residence at the Holiday Inn Express (A fabulous, modern, clean and hospitable hotel, the finest we've stayed at yet!) but another bunch of people bound to tour the country with a message for kids and adults alike . . .

. . .
Here they are parked next to the Chamber Truck . . .

THE OSCAR MAYER WIENER MOBILE!!!!

We were all very excited abouth this legendary vehicle sharing our hotel and parking lot. And boy is this a luxury transport! It was huge! I peeked inside and saw comfy individual pilot seats each embroidered with the Oscar Mayer logo, lots of legroom and space to spread out, granted you'd have to put up with the orange and yellow hot dog decor, but It looked like in the back of the bun section they may have had a restroom and bunks, or maybe a small kitchen-like area! It looked like fun.




All in all, I had a fabulous weekend. It was well earned by all and well enjoyed as well. We went to nice restaraunts which made a nice change from Highway Fast Food stops. We got enough sleep, we did laundry, we strolled about with a sense of liesure and exploration. I even went to a supermarket!!! (this is a luxury not often afforded to Chamber Players.)
Most of us went to see the new Martin Scorcese Film "The Departed" which is set in Boston and steeped in Irish Catholic Culture, which was alot of fun for me- Alec Baldwin even said "Brockton" in one scene, and Matt Damon & Mark Whalberg were both in it, so their accents were naturally flawless! But honestly, all the accents were pretty great- When you're from boston it can really get under your skin when actors try to master the Boston\South Shore accent, because it's a complex dialect and rings very false or very ridiculous if done poorly-- but everyone in this film was great (even Jack Nicholson, who occasionally slipped but never sounded ridiculous because he is so charismatic in this role.) with every actor PERFECTLY CAST, which is a real treat as a filmgoer. It made me miss home though, with tose shots of the statehouse and the constant references to towns and sentiments that I grew up with. Anyway, I'm fairly certain that I was the only audience member in that Missouri Theatre that was representing BROCKTON MA!!!!

AND THEN THERE WAS TULSA . . .

The venue in Kansas city on Tuesday was bad. It was designed for cage-fighting and rock concerts. Our show looked bad, sounded bad and the seating for the students was akward and uncomfortable. If the students grew bored with the echoing, feedback riddled and dimly lit show, their eyes might wander and happen upon any number of beer banners, some were even lit up in flourescents- or maybe on their way to the bathrooms they could stop by the concession stands and see what beer was on tap! (Obviously no one was serving, but stil...) It wasn't an appropriate venue by any means and hopefully future tours won't have to be subjected to the ridiculously wide but dreadfully shallow platform stage with literally no wing space and folding chair seating beer hall.
We thought nothing could be worse. It is a good thing we had that weekend, because, I kid you not, had I not been properly rested and restored before this week of hell began, I would probably be home right now- I came close, even with the nice weekend. Ok, here's the story:
We moved on to TULSA OKLAHOMA and were scheduled to play Oral Roberts University. This is a lovely campus with very interesting and varying architecture. It is incredibly conservative and christian, and each building on the campus, i'm told, is designed to represent Items or stories in the bible! I''m not sure what the building we were in was based upon, but judging by the day we had maybe the plagues of egypt.
First of all, you should know that as House manager and sound manager I get reports from previous tours about the venues we play (unless they are brand-new to Chamber such as the cage-fighting beer hall). These reports help me figure out things like seating, hadicap access, sightlines, capacity, lobby size and such things. I also get Sound reports letting me know where to hook into the house's sound system, where to set up my sound rack, how the sound sounded in the space and so forth. The stage manager gets reports and so does the electrician. We have, between us, fair warning if crews are rude or helpful, if space is large or crowded, if dressing rooms are inconvenient, if the hall owner is helpful, if the lights tend to shut off mid-show and all sorts of things of that nature.
I want you to know that EVERY SINGLE REPORT We had in our hand about this space warned and begged Chamber NEVER to book this place again. It is a Basketball court. A sporting arena. As afar as basketball courts go it was awesome! As far as theatres go it was a disaster. Every report told us that the sound was disaterous- and I found that this is because my mics end up infront of and pointing towards their huge cluster speakers, this causes huge amounts of feed back-- but it wasn't an option to do without thier speakers because we had 1178 students coming- my two little speakers would have no chance, especially with the huge, sprawling and towering nature of a basketball stadium (complete with crushed peanut shells by the way). The lights were at akward angles and cut off a huge amount of my seating. The actors had to literally run for 15-20 yards to get from the stage to the wings, which was difficult for quick costume changes and entrances and exits. And then, the coup de gras: I have eleven hundred people coming at 9:30, I have 10 ushers and 5 traffic security gueards to meet with and brief by 9:00, the house opens at 9:45, and I have to set up the entire sound system et al, BY MYSELF because the "Sound Engineer" they had wouldn't lift a finger to help me (which is what chamber pays them to do- help me with set-up and takedown since I have two jobs in the morning.) Nope. He's a "sound engineer" and not a "stage hand". He won't even move to help me take the lids off my equiptment (which is a two-person job because they are large). I was furious. I was near tears. I guess he consisdered his duty to show me where to plug in. Wow. Thanks for your help. I can't even tell you how much he got paid to be there, but it's more than I was.
Since we were only provided with 2 proper "stage hands" qualified or at least willing to lift and move and touch things, the stage manager felt he couldn't spare one to help me. I nearly walked out. There have been alot of problems with this tour and this was nearly the straw that broke the camel's back. HOWEVER my friend Katie, and actor in the show, came to my rescue. She's in charge of costumes and dressing rooms for the show, but once she's done she's able to help us set up the set and tech stuff. Usually she helps the lighting people or the set people, but this day she told me in no uncertain terms that she would be by my side until everything I needed was accomplished. What an angel.
So, she's helping me set up and we're running this really bulky, heavy cable up the hundred or so steep steps up to my sound board when Mr. Useless, the Sound Engineer decided to interfere. He wants to know why I've decided to put my sound rack where I had. Dad- you can probably imagine what my face must have looked like. I probably looked exactly like your daughter. I'm thinking: This Jerk will sit on his rear end and watch two girls lifting heavy speakers, drag huge cables and not lift a finger to help or make things even slightly easier for us, but now he has a thing or two to say about where I've decided to set up!?!?!?! I calmly (though very coldly) explained my reasons to him- as house manager AND soundmanager I had made a educated and well-thought-out decision to have my sound rack wasy off to the side where student would not be sitting due to the poor sightlines, and where I could freely run my huge cable up the steps because no one would be using this particular aisle, thus there was no worry about tripping and falling to their certain death from the sheer steepness of the stadium seating. I Knew that since I was already well behind (because of HIM) that I'd have no time to tape down a cable on ever single of the hundred or more steps. {by the way, when I say 'cable' you need to imaging it to be the width around of 5 or 6 extension cords taped together- it's big and heavy and very stubborn.)
He then argued with me - having no grounds to do so, until he bullied my stage manager into having me move my rack. Now it is in- to my mind- the most inconvenient spot in the house. I am now directly in the way of the cross aisle between the mezzanine and the secvond mezzanine, my cable has to go up the very center and most highly trafficked audience aisle, and I can't even tell you why. I guess he wanted me close to his sound board, even though I explained I'd rather run one small cable (even slimmer and less obtrisive than an extension cord) across the flat surface of the cross aisle, out of the way behind the seats and only needing to be taped down in TWO PLACES, to my board than move my board to be close to his and in the way of everything. This is sort of like the needs of the one outweighing the needs of the masses. My stage manager bowed to this bullying and I was behind again. I told them in no uncertain terms that I would not be able to tape that cable down- and that as house manager I would not open the house unless it was done, because I wasn't going to have broken legs, twisted ankles or worse on my hands. A stage hand was finally dirscted to help me.
The show sounded terrible. It certainly wasn't worth the ticket price and I felf awful for those kids that came to see it. Then we had to pack up with no help and it was just a long, long, frazzled and high-tension day. What is the best part? Did I mention it was my birthday?

My friends in the cast were great though- after the show they really made everything better. we laughed, mostly because if you don't laugh you cry. I even got some gifts and I spoke to every office I could get a hold of in Boston and made myself clear on the subject. I was told in pretty basic terms that it was about money. I told them in return that money shouldn't be considered over and above quality, that they were inspiring poor customer relations and very poor employee relations by cutting corners in this way. At least my opinions have been voiced,saying: "I'm just wondering why, why, when all the reports we are holding in our hands tell you not to book this place, not to play this place, that it is ill-suited to chamber's needs, why then do you choose to book here yet again, when there are even suggestions of other venues in Tulsa? Why would you conciously ignore these reports? Should I stop filling out mine- are they simply being filed away as compulsory and not being regarded?" They didn't rwally have any answers beyond monitary.
Ah well. When I rule the world...

We've all been growing together alot more lately, becoming a family in this little world. The very next day we played the Orpheum in Wicita- and when we arrived at 8 am found there was no crew at all to help us unload and set up. none. Apparently the office dropped the ball, a message got missed or a contact got bungled and the crew that we are promised wasn't told when to come. I'll be honest: after Oral Roberts I just sort of smiled. What else can you do? You walk out, refuse to do the show (the office isn't meeting thier end of the bargain, why demand it of us to pick up the slack), or you accept it and push forward. Maybe it's the Irish in me, maybe it's the new-england girl, but something in me just clicked into place and redoubled my efforts. What can you do? GHundreds of kids are on their way, are we going to cheat them out of a field trip because of something that isn't their fault? We did alot more work in a lot less time than we are meant to. But, different than at Oral Roberts, we were all in the same boat. It wasn't just me that was up the creek- it was all of us. This helped my mood. We helped eachother, we worked cohesively and professionally, and once I accepted (ala the 'serenity prayer') the things I couldn't change- such as the house opening late and the show starting a little late- I even sort of hummed while we got everything done. Luckily the housemanager for the orpheum was great and such a helpful gentleman for me, and the crew showed up eventually so we made them do the bulk of the load out! [Let me tell you that my back- and all our backs probably- were quite tight as we drove that night. we were sore in places we didn't even know we'd had muscles!!]

Light at the end of the tunnell:

Friday the 13th started under an unlucky star- a huge and heavy instrument case decided to roll off the truck of it's own volition during load in and careening off the truck breaking one of our actor's toes. his big toe. The strange thing is that we weren't even at all that an extreme of an angle- barely percievable to the eye, and we've certainly been at worse angles, but today that cart just decided to go for it. I'm not stretching the truth when I tell you that a case of this size and weight rolling at that velocity and falling from the truck at that height could have SERIOUSLY injusred someone. I'm talking broken limbs, spinal damage, someone could have been crushed under it. I shudder to think of all the possibilities. We'll take the broken toe- if that's the tribute to the fickle gods that rule unlucky friday the 13ths.
Other than that it was a beautiful, blessed day. The Missouri Theatre is St. Joseph is beautiful- incredibly well maintained and just a dream to play. This old vaudeville house with its modern technological updates is exactly the sort of places chamber should be playing- our kind of show looked like it was made for that stage. Then we went out to this mom & pop restaurant that had delicious food at great prices, I bought a winter coat at St. Vincent DePaul's and we set off toward Nebraska with a much improved morale, and a much restored mood. I am blessed to live and work with some of these people- to get to play places like the Orpheum (think The Marx Brothers, Fanny Brice, vaudeville, great, great history) and the Missouri Theatre. I am so very fortunate to be able to see this incredibly beautiful country of ours and to be working in the profession I love. The hard, the wretched and lonely times make you appreciate all the more the friendships, the comfort and the triumphs.

I'll post lots of pictures soon, but right now I've got to get going, we're driving to Colorado today... i'm looking forward to seeing Aunt Jane and Uncle Chip!!
If you've made it this far, thanks for reading- this was a monsterous post encompassing about 2 weekd worth of material. I've been DYING to post more often, but as you can imagine- at the ends of days like those afore mentioned I just crawl into bed and rest my tired body. I love you all and miss you very much.

Love and Gratitude,
BETH

Ole Man River

I may have flown over it several times before in my life, but yesterday I actually SAW the Mighty Mississippi River. It was brown and wide but over too soon as we cruised over the bridge in our white Chamber Van, which my friend Steven has dubbed: Vanna White. He's been on alot of chamber tours and confided in me that whenever tha van is white she ends up being Vanna White. If it ain't broke...

I don't wish to jinx myself or tempt fate by saying that my job seems to be getting easier. Of course the JOB isn't any easier, but my body and spirit are submitting to it with less resistance, which makes it appear that finally things are falling into place. It is still a time crunch trying to do the job of 3 people and do them all well, but at some point you just have to resign yourself, smile (at the specific request of my father), and get it done. If truth be told, I find it very difficult to smile on some days, or in some perticularly trying moments, but then I get to see the Mississippi River (if only fleetingly), I get to meet alot of very friendly and interesting people, and I get to see the magic of what our show does for those children.
Even if the show hasn't gone particularly splendidly, even if energy and morale is running perilously low and all sorts of problems littered our way, when I see the kids and hear them getting into it, whispering between scenes and laughing or gasping or "eeeeeewwww"ing at something we've done, then the corners of my mouth lift without effort. I can't tell you how many teachers and chaperones have told us what an impression we've made, how these children don't get to see live theatre much and what a great thing we've done coming out there and doing the show for them. Sometimes that's the only thing keeping my heart in the game. And I am grateful to be able to have a position in the house for every show, because without that things may be difficult to keep in perspective.

Last night I saw the biggest bug I have ever seen in my life. It was bigger than the dreaded and evil cockroach that plagued me on one of my last days at The Stratford Arms, and no less horrendous. I'm suprised the whole building didn't hear me shriek. I quickly called the hotel desk and asked someone to come "deal" with it. When the gentleman came in I handed him a cup. He just sort of tried not to chuckle at me and declined the cup.

He squished it.

I never in a million years could imagine stepping on something so large- it would be tantamount to stepping on a canary (almost) or a chipmunk (nearly). I asked if it was a Palmetto bug- I'd seen one flying about in one of the carolinas, and they looked like nothing more than a larger, flying variety of cockroach. {this one hadn't flown, but I wouldn't put anything past the beast.} He told me it was called a "Water Bug". I was skeptical, telling him that that thing didn't look like any type of water bug i'd ever seen. He then admitted that the 'water bug' is a close cousin to the cockroach.

IN happier news, a couple of days ago in Alabama, I tried a popular local dish. I hope you'll be as proud and shocked as I was of myself! I sampled Fried Alligator Tail. Yes folks. Alligator tail. It isn't something I'd make a habit of whether or not I liked it, because I don't think alligators are a creature we should be exploiting- be it for belts, boots, purses or even appetizers. I couldn't, didn't have the heart (or the nerve) to order it myself, but did try a piece offered to me by a local. He maintains that it is highly nutritious and very good for you.

I'll admit that is actually was pretty tasty- at least a lot tastier than I'd imagined. It was battered and fried and served with a zingy pinkish sauce, and though it was (as you can imagine) very tough and chewy, the texture didn't put me off at all. I can't decide whether it reminded me more of chicken or of steak, or of pork. But it did not taste in the least like fish or squid or scallops as I had expected. Now I can say I've had Alligator Tail.
I'm still hoping to sample squirrel one day- but I'm not sure where I'd have to go to find that on the menu!
(By the way, my meal- which was baked chicked with a rosmary crusted sauce, was absolutely dilectable and probably the most satisfying meal I've had while on tour- so it was a very good afternoon all in all!)

Missing you all very much- missing my mother's spaghetti sauce and my father's whistling! Love from Louisiana and Bayou Country,

BETH