Cock Blocking

No Sex in the Champagne Room.

None in the sub-par discount Regency romance novel I just finished last night either.  What a cock-tease.  I indulge in a romance novel maybe tow or three times a year, but when I do it is definitely not for the septh of human emotion or the fascinatingly original plots, fuck no, because that shit doesn't exist in that genre.  I'm looking for the erotica.  The sexy sexiness.  The fucking ROMANCE.  It's in the title of your genre, Book, so what justifies leaving me with nothing more than some longing looks, some confused feelings and to, TWO measely kisses, wherein nobody even so much as copped a feel?

Erg.  When I finished this book I just sighed.  I like, didn't even fetch the vibrator.  It didn't stir up anything besides a vague sense of resentment.

So that'll learn me.  Don't skimp on the rom novs.  Spring for the good stuff.  I picked up one in CVS the other day that had a tantalizing cover, oped its pages to a random chapter and was knee-deep in some HOT SEX.  But did I purchase said smut?  Nay.  Because I am poor I did what a responsible girl ought and re-shelved that whorey novel. 

Now I regret it.  Ocean State Job Lot regency rejects are no kind of novel for me.  Christ, this was too tepid to hold the interest of an eleven year old.  Well, I speak for my own eleven year old self and by that time I was sneaking the good stuff.

So don't cut corners or pinch pennies where loving is concerned.  This is also true of condoms.  Sage advice:  never buy anything but the best, it isn't worth the drama to buy second or third tier products.  You're welcome for the free advice kiddies.  I'm an educator, that's what I do.

I recently gave this advice to my Neice, who has indulged my curiosity about the hit show GOSSIP GIRL, which I have not had the opportunity to see (nor, really, the inclination besides the basic human curiosity, but it looks alot like what we do in Cedar Falls, beautiful rich people with secrets, sex, betrayal, all that jazz).  Anyway she spins me this tangled web of unwed mothers, cheating boyfriends, steamy affairs at band camp and on european field trips and such like.  And I can't remember who's who really or give two shits, I was really just shooting the breeze with my teenaged neice down the cape while waiting for the card game to start.  I was also trying to gauge how sexually active she might be.  Lets all remember what I was doing at 15.  She seems pretty wholesome though, which, to me, is miraculous in this day and age.

Anyway, I'm in the tub the other night and I get a very excited Gossip Girl update (as promised to me if I remember correctly now...)

Here's the text conversation:

Niece: Bens back with amy ! and dumped grace -  ADRIAN IS PREGO WITH BENS BABY TOO she wants an abortion.  Jack is looking for a place to live & i think him and grace are gettin a thin

(sic, because text is too long... continued...)

Amy got into a music program that leads her into juliard. she wants to go but her baby.

Me: Holy Moly!! The drama!! Thanks for the update. Do you think she will get the abortion??

Neice: Noooo!

Me: Hahahaa. Lol. Wish i could watch that crazy show.  They should use condoms though, for realz. Yikes.

Neice: Haha.  it broke while she was switchin birth control.

Me: Eeeek.  My advice? Trojans.

Neice: LmaO. ill remember that.

Me: Def. Dont go with cheap condoms.  It is NOT worth the stress!

Neice: gotchaaa!

Me: Lol. Drama.

Yeahhhhh.  I told Aaron about this exchange and he looked like he might burst a blood vessel.
Aaron: Jesus Christ!  How about 'Don't have SEX!  EVER!'
Me:  That's stupid advice.
Aaron: UGH!

How quickly they become fatherly.  More quickly on Gossip Girl I guess.