The Adventures of Captain Hackney and the Cliche Kid!

The Adventures of Captain Hackney
and the Cliche Kid

Episode IV: The Mexican Standoff

Meanwhile...

"Did you get the codes?"

"Are you kidding me right now?"

"Did. You. Get. The. Codes?"

"Don't ever start anything with 'Did you get the codes', nothing good ever starts with 'did you get the codes'."

"We're running out of time-"

"UGH! Cliche on top of cliche! What next, are you going to tell me you found the microfilm?"

"Give me the codes and I'll give you the microfilm- that was the deal."

"Alright, alright- lemme just 'hack into the internets first and download those secret codes and-- oh damn!"

"What?! What is it?"

"Password protected. Dammit. Foiled again."

"We need those codes-"

"Oh, I know, it's urgent business we're about. Well, let me attempt to 'bypass the mainframe and reroute the servers'."

"You'd better hope this works--"

"Oh, I know, right, definitely. *furious clicking an furtive glances* Almooooost therrre, almosst there-- right?"

"You would make jokes at a time like this, just get it done wise-ass, or you won't be laughing for long."

"Oh my god- you are in top form Captain Hackney!"

"Do you want that microfilm or not?"

"I'd rather not be playing this at all, to be honest-"

"Shut the fuck up and get me those codes!"

"Alright alright. Fine. Two can play at that game! (Aha! I'm pulling out my own gun so suck it.) Drop the gun and nobody gets hurt!"

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"Is that the best you can do?"

"This isn't what it looks like."

"Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin?"

"I have a bad feeling about this-"

"You can say that again!"

"You know how to whistle don't you?"

"Are you trying to seduce me?"

"Don't look now! Quick, Kiss me!! (Stake-out Make-out!)"

"(Oh, ok,gotcha!) *mmmmmmm, ooooonmmmmmmm.* Ok, they're gone. The coast is clear. Do you think they bought it?"

"I'm sorry it had to end like this...I'll see you in hell! (bang bang- I shot you now)"

"That wasn't part of the plan...uggggghhhhhh (I'm dying.)"

"Give me your hand---"

"I though you'd never ask, *ghasp* I see the light--- I'm so cold..."

"Don't you die on me!"

"I see dead people... Aaaaaaaaand------------ I'm dead.
The end. Game over. You lose. You didn't get the codes. Tough luck."

"Well, shit."

"Yup. I out cliched the master."

"Well played."

"Well, thank you. It was a pleasure."

"But you forgot one thing-"

"Oh no-"

"The other raptor-"

"UGH"

"-That you didn't even know was there-"

"Fuck me!"

"And she slashes at you with this! *imagine my finger is the raptor claw*"

"Obviously."

"The point is: You are alive when she starts to eat you. So, try to show a little respect, ok?"

"Clever girl."

"*drops mic and exits* Owned."

Fin.
-Or-
To be continued...

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Rotten Tomatoes Screenplay Cliches!