Its about 7AM and I will be going back to subbing today after more than two straight weeks of doing nothing. Its good that I got the job, it might be a little too late as far as bills and such go, but at least its the right thing to do.

Know what though? Subbing makes me very, very unhappy. I used to kind of dig the lack of responsibility, the transient nature of it- moving from school to school, implementing someone else's lesson plans and all that, not having to think of my own or follow through with anything. But after my student teaching experience where I was in my own classroom running my own lessons and seeing my students week after week- subbing seems empty and pointless and unfulfilling.

Yesterday I went to career services at Emerson. We discussed job search strategies, cover-letter writing tactics and edited my resume. It wasn't really appropriate for me to scream (as I wanted so desperately to do) "HELP ME! I'M IN A CAREER FIELD I CAN'T STAND! LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUUUUUUUT!"

So I smiled and nodded as he went on about networking (feels so phony to me and I've never been good at it), Making bookmark tabs on the computer to be more efficient, and not to give up yet because jobs will be posted more frequently soon enough.

In other news, I didn't wash a single dish, didn't pick up a single piece of laundry, didn't run a single errand. Just sat about dreaming and writing a little until it was time to go to Boston. Now I have to work today and the house is a disaster. A real fucking pig sty. Really I just want to throw away all my dishes and never see them again! I'm so sick of doing them!!! Actually, I really wish I never needed to eat- it would save so much time, money and effort over all, and I wouldn't feel bad about myself.

On my way home from Boston I went out of my way to stop at buger king for fries and a hershey pie. I never eat fast food (except in moments like that, moments of ill-considered weakness and inescapable craving), and while I enjoyed the fries and pies, I regretted it later. Why do they have to taste so Goddamned delicious?

I will be a librarian today at the huntington. Exciting stuff.