Oh NOES!

I think I figured out the thing that sucks most about being a substitute teacher. There are alot of sucky things about being a sub. The instant and built-in disrespect, The inherent mischief inspired in students who believe they will be able to 'get away' with something, the constant undercurrent of 'what the fuck should I be doing right now, the un-relenting push back, the armor and mask I have to wear- students smell fear and look for the chinks in the armor.

Its lonely, thankless, undervalued, and simultaneously overwhelming and underwhelming being a substitute.

And I'm pretty good humored about it too. I mean, I remember what it was like to have a sub. I get it. I know what the kids are thinking and I not only sympathize, I empathize. I am pretty tolerant of alot and know that on THIS day, when I am an interloper in their world, that these children will not be at their best. In fact, most will be at their nearly worst.

Normally polite children will be fresh. Typically honest children will be sly. Kids who usually can';t stand eachother will overcome their differences and unite against a common enemy, working together to thwart the substitute in her honest attempt to get through the fucking day without incident.

And though I wear a stern face I rather enjoy most of their little plots, their little jokes and sneaky games. I think kids are brilliant. Their imaginations delight me and in all their predictability they always find small ways to surprise me and make me laugh.

But the worst part? Is saying "NO". All day. All the time. "No". As an educator and as a person I like saying "YES" to things. I like to create positive environment, a place of trust and a place to try things. YES is encouraging, positive, forward-moving. NO is a dead stop. NO is a non-starter.




Can I go to the bathroom?
"No" not right now.

Can I sharpen my pencil?
"No" you need to be in your seat right now.

Can I get something out of my locker?
"No", no one's allowed in the hall right now.

UGH. Don't get me wrong, I do allow alot. I am not the jail-warden substitute. But "No"s crush my spirit enough to make me notice how often I have to utter them.

Lately I've taken to employing the oldest trick in the book (sound like I'm calling an 80 year old prostitute!): The ever illusive, the ever seductive "Maybe".

"Maybe"s hold promise, they imply possibility, they comfort while crushing.

MAYBE you can sit with your friend IF you prove you can work silently on your own for 15 minutes. MAYBE at half past I'll let you go to the nurse IF you don't feel any better. Maybe is conditional. It's wait and see. There's a feeling that the student has some agency, some control over the outcome. MAYBE is a CHANCE.

And MAYBE is more productive than NO.

But NO makes the day go more smoothly, at least at first. I don't know their routines, I don't know all the rules of the school or classroom. NO covers my ass. NO quells most of the initial mischief. NO sets the tone that I'm not to be fucked with.

But NO can lead to out-right rebellion. Too much NO too soon and you're fucked.

Anyway, I hate being the "NO" man and would rather be the YES man.

A drama teacher should always say YES, AND...

"Miss, can we do..."
YES, and how about..."

Sigh.

Drama teachers can say yes and push for more. Subs need to say no and squash down... or say maybe and make them dance for a bit. Delay the inevitable. Its the best we can hope for.