'Hodge Podge' sounds about right.

There are so many things I COULD blog about today… My wild experience at Market Basket, how addicted I am to baby shopping and how I can’t wait to meet my (honorary) new niece Pigeon [and also my Niece Reardon too!] when she arrives, my delicious new vegetarian alternative to BLTs, my first day back at the BHS art office after my infamous stint student teaching…

All topics on which I have plenty to say and express, and yet… *sigh*. Nothing. No motivation. I seem to be in a funk.

It was bittersweet to see a bunch of my former students today. I could tell a lot of them were sort of mad that I’d just up and left and not finished the semester. I don’t blame them, I’m the kind of student who would take that personally too. In some ways I wish I could have explained it to them… but it is better left unsaid. I finished student teaching and that’s all there is to it.

Tomorrow I’m helping with MHSDG festival. It is the semifinal round and the theatre usually starts to look really good at semis, and thing get competitive. I hope to see a good day of theatre. Honestly, I’m hoping to re-charge my creative battery somewhat. What good’s a director with no juice? No passion? No artistic drive?

For that matter, what good’s a director without a school\cast to direct? The job search is not an experience I relish nor is it a battle I feel particularly equal to.

Sorry. I really really don’t want to get melancholy or whiney or bitchy. I swore to myself I didn’t want that kind of voice to define me.

Another thing that’s weighing on my mind is the vegan issue. There’s so much to process and examine and it just tires me out thinking about it!! Truthfully? Even though I need to go start dinner prep now I feel so worn out and tired just THINKING about veganism that I almost want to say: “fucket” (rhymes with bucket apparently- it was a typo but I kinda like it.), and eat applesause and screw dinner.

To end on a few positive things-

Danielle is going to be a great Mom, Adam is going to be a Wonderful Dad and that unique, singular, amazing little girl is so lucky and loved and has such a great experience waiting for her here! Talking to Danielle I always leave sort of giddy and in awe of how naturally she’s handling things. I’m sure she’d say otherwise, but honestly? I’d been looking forward to the day those two would tell us they were expecting and now that they actually are it is even better than I’d imagined. Everything they want for her, all their philosophies and values and plans and especially their sense of humor, all of it makes my heart glow.

I don’t think I’ll be anywhere near as ‘earth momma’ and chill as D is being. I mean, I know she’s super psyched, and she keeps trying to sneak the shower date closer because she wants STUFF (she’s nesting hardcore), but she’s really pretty amazing.

I wish I were having one now so they could be friends forever! LOL.

Allright. Too much sap? I just needed to get it out. I’m such a lifetime movie. I’m crying right now. Anyway I wish it were time to meet the little bohemian Pigeon, but that beatnik isn’t due for MONTHS!

Also, just a quick plug for Market Basket. I’ve been avoiding it because I believed they didn’t have any organic or vegetarian stuff. They do. I’d also been avoiding it because I can’t fucking stand over-crowded public situations with ignorant, arrogant, and rude people. They have that too. When I pulled into the parkinglot I almost pulled right back out. If this is how the clientele wields their cars, thought I, then how will they be with shopping carts?

But I steeled myself. I sucked it up. I did it. I won’t lie. Had some moments where I felt panic. Wanted to punch some bitches. Almost told an octogenarian couple to get the fuck over themselves. Halfway through the maddening, madcap experience I became aware that my hands were shaking and my knees were weak and I hadn’t even located the produce. But instead of abandoning my cart and running away I plugged on. The little shopper that could.

I did manage to have a few civilized, human interactions with a few folks, between incidents of being cut off, edged out, and generally treated like an obstacle.

And I bought a tone of terrific stuff and saved a ridiculous amount of money. I may, unfortunately for my nerves, have to make it habit. But I swear to god, you need a fucking battleplan to survive that place and get out with the goods. Like, I’m talking 4 star general strategy and special ops maneuvers! I need Jack Bauer to be my Market basket shopping partner!

“Dammit Chloe! How long for satellite? I need aerial coverage to get me to the bakery!! LIVES ARE AT STAKE!”