Some Thoughts on Literature.

I only have a few moments but I have alot on my mind; about writing, literature, popular fiction, and my place within it all.

Ok, so I have no pretenses. When I began writing this Cedar Falls bananas it was to turn something about myself which had devolved into an utterly un-productive time-suck into something at least partially productive-- turn a waste of time into a creative venture. I like to dream up stories. I have a knack for creating intrigue and whole fictional families and their dramas. And instead of focusing all sorts of creative energy on a game, where nothing of value would be earned besides, I suppose, literally murdering time, I endeavored to take those stories, put pen to paper, and have at least SOMETHING to show for it at the end of the day.

That was the goal. Nothing grand. A modest goal to have fun and create something enjoyable.

And God Damn am I having fun. And at least some of the time I think I'm putting out an enjoyable product.

Then why the fuck am I so sensitive about whether or not it's GOOD? Hung up on the QUALITY? This isn't what this shit's about!!!!!!!

Why, then, am I fretting about comparisons to Dan Brown and Stephanie Meyer?

And, I argue with myself, why should I be uncomfortable with such comparisons? Oh, excuse me, am I too righteous to take their millions and millions of dollars in book sales? I could only DREAM of meeting such enormous success for writing this trash, so why do I get all up-in-arms and defensive when Aaron doesn't like my writing? When little words like Cliche and pedestrian drip off his tongue?

From what I understand of the Twilight series there is not a single un-cliched word or phrase in the books, not even a modicum of skill with the writing and YET, and yet, people are captivated by and enamored with her story. Entertained.

And I have read Mr. Brown, know him to be a HACK writer, but dammit, the story is engaging, exciting even, and I loved the ride each time I read one of his books, so who the fuck am I to get all pretentious?

I wrote something the other day, for instance, and Aaron said a certain line was cliched. It was. But you know what? I am not going to change it because there is something about the cliche, about cliches in general, that are universal. She was sore between her legs is a universal for girls who have just lost their virginity. And a teenage girl who has just lost her virginity is, I'd argue, actively seeking cliche. Taking comfort in her induction to the ranks of universal womanhood. She likes the soreness there, takes pride in it, and likes to feel how everyone else has felt since the dawn of sex. Unique but somehow a part of something larger than herself.

So "She was sore between her legs" is staying in the chapter. So are all the other hackneyed phrases because I am having fun. Of course I want to push myself to be a better writer, find better ways of telling these stories, but not at the expense of this joy and zest I've discovered for writing daily. If being an amazing author means I get stymied and blocked-up and frigid at the keyboard then what the fuck is the point?

He is an amazing writer. He really, really is. He should be a wild success, published, wealthy and well-known for the talent he has. But he is also paralyzed more times than not when he sits down to create. Instead of a case of writer's block, I'd say the ratio is more like he occasionally has a case of 'writer', with the rest of the time spent constipated and miserable about it.

So we're different. Of course it hurts my ego and bruises my pride when he isn't impressed with something I've done. His opinion is one I value above all others- he's brilliant. But I don't know.

If I could ever, ever get money from writing these things? And even if I never do, I'm really really honest to goodness having a whole lot of fun. I'm finally putting all these years of playing pretend by myself into something more tangible, less ephemeral, and the fact that one or two other people are having a little fun following it?

I'm not giving that up or putting too much pressure on that.

I guess I just wish his opinion didn't make me feel like its all a waste of time.

And if I ever made Dan Brown money or Twilight money? Would I still be bothered by those sorts of opinions? I mean, really?