UGH!

So I'm feeling very Carrie Bradshaw SadMac right now.  

****My Lappy died.**** 

Caupt.  My Lappy is no more.  Pushing up daisies.  Expired.  It is an Ex-Lappy. And all those other adorable john cleese-isms from the dead parrot sketch.

Rest in peace Laptop.  I hearted you so the much.

For real?  I am wicked stressed about it.  My WHOLE life was on that  thing.  I am lost.  Aaron and the guys at Charlie's One-Stop Computer Shop think I'll be able to recover the hard-drive.  My writing.  My pictures.  My job application stuff.  My life.

I hope the fuck so.  I mean plenty of the CF stuff is published here on the bloggy, but I had a whole bunch that was written and waiting to be posted, and a bunch in progress.

I also had a ton of theatre resources, plays, Emerson stuff, all my undergrad stuff... erg.  The more I think about it the more stressed and anxious I get.

And I have alot of things that would be pretty hilarious for the techs at Charlie's to behold.  Naked pics.  Of people.  I mean, who doesn't have porn, right?  I'm pretty sure none of it was criminal...  But some is pretty hilarious.  Especially the folder right out on my desktop entitled: VINTAGE PORN, which is, yes, exactly what it sounds like.  Porn pictures from when still cameras were brand spankin new.  Hilarious shit.  If you have a sense of humor like mine... i guess...  Well, I'll post a link and you can let me know if you laughed.

Just.  Ugh.

Aaron said:  "I'm sorry Punkin....It feels like a pet died."

And it does.  I frickin loved my lappy.  

Incidentally and perhaps coincidentally one of my pets died today as well.  Well, was 'put-down'.  My cat Daubach, who still lived with my folks, finally became too rickety and decrepit and miserable to persist, so he took that final ride.  Poor guy.  It was time though.

The lappy on the other hand? Entirely premature.  

So no Cedar Falls short today.  Grumpface.  No ANYTHING today.  

I'm using our desktop PC, which Aaron INSISTS is just as much mine as it his, that it is OUR computer, but, c'mon. gimme a break.  I always feel like an interloper in here, like a guest, like a fucking tourist.  Ever go to a supermarket that's not your usual place?  You get the general gist of where things might be since it is a supermarket and, afterall, how different can it be?  But it's disorienting and it takes you fucking forever to navigate around and where the fuck does this place put the goddamn jelly, right?

That's how I feel on this computer.  

Plus I feel guilt or something lke it for being in here, because it means Aaron can't be doing his own thing on the computer... so... yeah.  Tense and irritated and ill-at-ease.

I have a ton more to say, especially regarding my job at A1S1, but right now, with nothing to keep him occupied out there but friendship bracelets and gimp, Aaron has taken to singing and it is driving me up a fucking wall.

 Don't get me wrong:  I LOVE it when he sings.  I LOVE hearing him sing.  It makes me happier than almost anything.  EXCEPT, and this is a big fucking except, EXCEPT when I'm trying to think or write or type.  Then it drives me out of my christing skull.  For real.  I think it has to do with my inherent inability to multitask.  Right now he has ceased singing and is telling me about his gimp.  This is another thing that drives me bananas.  Because I really really have difficulty thinking\doing two things at once.  I have made good fucking friends with the backspace key.

And I know all of that is crazy irrational.  I love my husband to absolute pieces and wouldn't want him any other way (except perhaps wealthy beyond measure), this is totally a ME issue.  I'm a nutjob.  

So I gotta stop. 

Tell you about A1S1 when we figure out my computer sitch.

Oh, yeah, and its fun to have a problem like this when you have zero dollars to spend on a new goddamn lappy.  Less than zero.  negative, in-debt,, creditors knocking down my door...

And all I wanna do is write.  curl up in bud with my lappy and escape into some little vignette. manage a nice bite-sized begi9nning, middle, and end. 

Allllllriiiiiiight, he's singing again. I can't do this anymore.  I'mma sign off and ENJOY his singing rather than sit here and get frustrated about it.

Bye!!!!

In honor of my dead pets, now for something completely different...