The Boston Cream Pie

Do you ever have one of those moments where something you've known all your life suddenly seems bizarre, foreign or completely alien to you?

We were walking through Trucchi's and we came to the frozen breakfast section. We were looking (fruitlessly) for latkes (Aaron was like: "Look at what town we're in", and I'm like: "Really? None? not a single Jew? C'mon! There MUST be some!!" I guess not because truchhi's ain't got no latkes.).

"Awww, remember toaster strudels? So fucking Good." Aaron lamented.

I don't buy much of that stuff anymore-- the delicious, yummy, awesome stuff, because I've made an earnest effort to move away from high fructose corn syrup and partially hydrogenated whatevers and other wretchedness that doesn't need to be in food.

"Yeah" says I, nostalgically, and then my eyes land upon a new flavor that Aaron would be sure to love! "Oh Man! Look!" I gesticulate excitedly. "Boston CREAM PIE!"



A Beat.

He seems excited. Maybe a little regretful, as he gazes. He might have even commented, but I was distracted.

"Boston CREAM PIE?" I repeat aloud. It doesn't sound right. It sounds made up. I look at the box and read it again. I've read it correctly. I try it on my tongue again. "Boston CREAM PIE..."

Aaron laughs.

"Why doesn't that sound right? Is that the right name? Why does that sound wrong?"
I ask him, totally perplexed.

"Because you're putting the emphasis on the wrong word." He said, chuckling and casting a glace around us, making sure no one is too close.

"I am?"

"Yeah, you're saying it like it's something pornographic." He grinned.

I look back at the box. Yes. I was. 'Cream Pie.' Now I can't fathom how I ever took the dessert sereiously (well, after childhood I mean.)

"Boston CREAM PIE" I said again.

"Yeah, like I'mma give you the old 'Boston CREAM PIE'... like Cleveland Steamer or Dirty Sanchez."  (Follow links at OWN DISCRETION! LOL)

"How the fuck do you say it then?" I felt insane. Now I couldn't imagine how it could NOT sound prurient.

"bostoncream PIE." He demonstrated. Emphasis on Pie. Elision on the boston and the cream. "Even though gramatically the way you said it makes more sense." Professor Aaron.

I marveled at how weird it all sounded now. Like the time in junior high when my friend Alison and I repeated the word "dish-towel" until it didn't sound like english anymore. We thought we were high on pot brownies so this was an hilarious exercise. We were not high on pot brownies, but that's a story for another day.

Later when we got home from the supermarket we pondered what a Boston CREAM PIE would be, sexually speaking of course. What would distinguish the Boston variety of Cream Pie from the run-of-the-mill, standard Cream Pie?

We'd be willing to take suggestions on this one. My reasoning tied in the Boston Tea Party, which necessarily conjures "tea-bagging", so I'm thinking: the man 'makes' the cream pie and then dips his teabag in there. What say ye? (Besides YUCKY!, which I'm sure some of you might be saying... but might try it later anyway... lol)

I asked Aaron if the colors of the dessert food need necessarily influence the sex act, to which he replied: "I thought about that... and... that's not an avenue I'm really wanting to go with it..." And I'm with him. But if that floats someone else's boat, far be it for me...

So next time you're in a pastry aisle or a doughnut shop, remember to thank me for the prurient imagery that leaps to your imagination. And let me know if you eat one anyway. ;)

Author's Note: Incidentally, I checked Urban dictionary and they are all over the map, which generally means there is no standard colloquial definition for a sex act entitled "Boston Cream Pie".  I will however, tell you that among the entires I had a favorite, and here be it:

Mouse over to read:

5.	boston cream pie
	The act of ejaculating into a woman's vagina/anus while holding out the pinky finger mimicking drinking tea.