Sometimes things don't work out the way you plan, or hope, or fantasize about.

As I grow up I've come to see this as opportunity, rather than as disappointment. When I was a kid I used to get so awfully let down when things didn't work out according to how I'd imagined them.

Now I usually smile a little, say 'oh well', and look forward to the next little surprise.

And you know what? Delaying it makes the gratification more powerful, doesn't it?

*************

On a separate note: i am in a pissy mood today. I have to go stack wood on my day off because my parents live in the stone age. Then I have to teach drama class to what will likely be drastically diminished class numbers because my stupid employer decided to have class on a federal holiday. gross. I can't express to you how much I wish I didn't have that looming over my already largely wasted day (due to the wood complication at noon).

On top of this, Aaron is sick and thus, even though we have the house to our fucking selves for once in a blue moon while eric is at work and we have a morning off of school, we aren't having sex. I would like to be a better person about this, but honestly? I'm royally pissed off right now. I want to come, I want to get fucked, I want to do all the loud, raucus things I can't do when our third wheel is present, and I'm not getting to do any of it. Wah, right? whatever. so I'm a selfish fucking cunt. I don't even care right now. I'm all wound up, for tons of reasons, and I am craving release like WHOA! And the thing is? I never pull out the old vibrator when aaron isn't in the mood-- it is awkward and kinda rude, you know? like if he was willing to be up there with me but just too weak or tired and sick to get me off, then maybe, maybe we'd pull out the toys and have some fun, but he is SOOOOOOO not in a sexy place at all, and If I go up into the bed and pull out the vibrator? ick.

I mean, imagine if your guy did that to you? He'd be a pig. Like, 'oh you're not feeling well and not in the mood? ok, you go watch lifetime and I'm gonna jerk off by myself up here for a while...'

I'd probably feel very unhappy about that. So I'm doing everything /i can think of not to go crazy from wanting to relive this awful tension.

Grumble.

Why does this flip-side of desire make me a raging bitch? not sexy, just a gross, awful human being.

I think I need a drink.