This Land was Made for You and ME!

What an opportunity I’ve been granted! To see the places and things I’ve only previously seen in text books or on television. It really is a great boon to get to see this nation of ours while doing the work I was trained to do. I’ve been privileged enough to stay in some of the greatest cities and lovliest places in our land, and all on the company dime! Sure, sometimes it’s really just a drive-by viewing and a lament of “we hardly knew ye!”, but nonethe less we’ve been having a great time running around America, taking it by storm!

Among my favorite excursions was the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose. It has to be seen to be believed my friends. This batty old lady was the heiress to the Winchester Rifle fortune in the days before income tax; in short she was loaded. She was also quite eccentric and probably more than a little bored. After her Husband and only child succumbed to tuberculosis she was overcome with grief and sought spiritual advice with a medium, hoping to contact her deceased loved ones in séance sessions. (This was a very popular and fashionable movement for the wealthy upper class at the time- even Mary Todd Lincoln jumped on this bandwagon at its advent nearly half a decade previously.) During one of these sessions, as legend has it, the medium informed Mrs. Winchester that the reason her loved ones had been taken from her was as punishment. Bad fortune had befallen Mrs. Winchester because of all the souls killed by Winchester Rifles. The medium told Mrs. Winchester that she must appease the souls killed by the Winchester rifles or suffer even more misfortune.

Apparently the spirits wanted her to build them a house, to CONTINUALLY build a house 24 hours a day, 7 days a week NON-STOP until the day she died. She did just that. She had carpenters and construction workers working at all hours with only the vaguest building plans, which were provided-, no joking- by the spirits who communicated their desires during weekly séances. This results in a very confused, jumbled together and ENORMOUS estate with bizarre features such as stairs that go directly up and disappear into ceilings, doors that open into walls, windows on the interior of the house, French doors in the floor, and even a door that opens up to a three-story drop.

By the end of the hour tour we’d seen over 60 rooms with hundreds left un viewed, we’d walked a full mile puzzling over the mental state and financial situation of this whimsical woman, and according to our tour guide, witnessed more panes of glass than are contained in the Empire State building. Such a Mind Trip! I encourage you to check it out online, and I can’t wait to show you pictures. I mean, one of my favorite parts was the 7\11 staircase: It was a series of three short staircases going up and down and over, that, when you were through took you right back to the same level of the house only about 10 feet away—in short, a HALLWAY would have sufficed, but I suppose the spirits thought that too mundane! The best part of the whole thing is: even though she had some insane number of bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchens, dining rooms, sitting rooms and so forth, she NEVER ENTERTAINED GUESTS, never, because she was in mourning. Wild huh?

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS . . .

I also had occasion to Visit the fabulously spectacular city of
LAS VEGAS! It was quite bright and glittery and everything the movies make it appear, and I was surprised to find myself enjoying it! I wanted to see it of course, but didn’t think I’d take to it- I’m such a staunch New England Girl (not fond of too much nonsense and excess), but the fancy and whimsy of the place really made me feel like a little kid! A little kid with a margarita, but hey! I don’t care for gambling, but played some slots under threat of death from my mother (“You’re in VEGAS, you HAVE to try it!), and had fun (though I only won a few dollars at most.). I loved looking at all the themed hotels and marveling at how clever the designers and architects were to have conceived of and completed them. I enjoyed seeing clumps of Elvis impersonators hanging out together and posing for photos. I had fun spotting various locations used in major motion pictures. And mostly I was in good company with some incredible friends. I can understand why Mum and Nannie enjoyed it so much- smoking is allowed EVERYWHERE! And do you know what? Everyone was friendly and helpful. I suppose this is because they want you to be in a pleasant mood so you’ll spend the most money possible at their establishment, but nonetheless I appreciated the kindness.

Then we headed down to Arizona where I spent Thanksgiving away from my family. This was hard, it was a bit sad and it was a first: The first time I’d ever missed a thanksgiving in Massachusetts. It was surreal to go swimming –outside- in the late fall, but It was pleasant. It was strange to be watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade from a hotel room with a view of palm trees, cacti and sunshine, but that too was oddly pleasant. In fact, when it was time to head down to breakfast, out of force of habit (23 years in the making) I looked around for my shoes and coat before I realized a robe and slippers would suffice: see, we always put the cider outside in the snow or chill to get it cold enough for dinner, but here it would have actually become more like mulled apple cider out in the desert sun!

THE FLORA AND THE FAUNA

One of the most delightful and exciting parts about this expansive cross-country journey has been the flora and fauna along the way. Sometimes I grapple with the reality of it, that I am ACTUALLY seeing a huge mountain, that it is not on t.v., or that I am REALLY watching buffalo munch away on a butte, not looking at a photo in National Geographic. It is spectacular and humbling to witness some of the sunrises and sunsets, to be dwarfed by the forests on the incredible Northwest, to get a sunburn at the beach in the middle of November and to touch petrified wood in the petrified forest and then drive through the painted desert and gape at the beautiful painted mountains!

Beyond the scenic wonders is the wildlife. I have seen Deer and Antelope playing as well as buffalo roaming. I have witnessed huge birds that look like something out of Jurassic Park. Wild horses, vultures dining on roadkill, coyotes (umm roadkill, but still, nothing I’d ever see back home!) lizards, and even some dangerous little beasties!

In California we all stopped in our tracks as a spider rappelled down before us. As we skirted around the gigantic ting and were marveling at how large it was, we recognized the tell-tale orange-red hourglass shape on it’s body. That’s right, a genuine BLACK WIDOW SPIDER, and yours truly nearly walked right into it and got the thing stuck in my hair!! Then in Tucson one of the stage hands had to capture a little trouble maker as it tried to invade the theatre. He had it in a Tupperware container and was glad to show us tourists the baby SCORPION! Apparently a baby variety of the most poisonous and deadly scorpion in the south west. He told us that even though it was just a baby it would still pack quite a punch if it stung, and the pain would be considerable- even lose-a-limb dangerous if not treated properly!

A Black Cat Didn't Cross My Path, but . . .

But sometimes mother nature is more than something to gawk at out the window of our quickly moving vehicle, or ooh & ahh over above a Tupperware container. Sometimes, like on the drive from Oregon to Reno Nevada, she has plans of a more interactive variety. I was the driver for the second half of this journey, for when the drives are long (10-14 hours long) we split it up between two people. Megan drove through most of Oregon- a beautiful drive through state preserves and the strange alkali lake region of the ‘oregon outback’. I kept calling out the window for bigfoot- a gutteral sort of wailing something like Chewbacca does in Star Wars, but much less effective- hoping to sight the Sasquatch and get them on film, but to no avail. The first half of the trip was wonderfully scenic but not terribly eventful.

Then I got behind the wheel. Folks, I have never hit an animal. I had never, before this journey, come very close to hitting an animal (except for the times Daubach likes to lay in the driveway regardless of my Honda’s intention of parking right where he is sun-bathing), let alone had so many close calls in one drive! I NEARLY HIT 5 CREATURES in about 5 HOURS!

The first was a cow. Now, incase you haven’t traveled across the country you should know this: every contiguous state of this union has cows. Some states have more cows than others maybe, but every state we’ve driven through has contained at least one cow farm that we pass regrettably, holding our breath for the stench. Usually the cows are in pens. Large paddocks, fenced in areas to the left and right of the highway. This cow, however, was a rebel. She was standing precisely in the center of the road. Standing there pleased as pie and with no real intent to move apparently. Luckily this was not a major highway so I was the only vehicle around and wasn’t going very fast, else this cow would be through. I slowed down and we all took pictures of her. I guess she was camera shy, however and didn’t care for the paparazzi because she trotted off the road looking embarrassed and we waved goodbye on our merry way. I was very glad I had been paying full attention to the road, and kind of excited to have an “I almost hit a COW!” story.

As we drive along I’m careful to pay more attention to the signs along the side of the road that you usually ignore= the ones regarding animals that have the potential for wandering into your path at any given moment. The signs start telling me that LIVESTOCK may happen across my path fro the next 6 miles. Where was that warning BEFORE I’d nearly hit the cow? So I’m joking and looking out for crossing farm animal, when I DO see something venturing into the road ahead of me! My brain is rapidly trying to process what variety of livestock this creature could be while simultaneously performing the proper emergency avoidance procedure that the driver of a vehicle must perform, when finally I realize that this animal isn’t livestock, but rather a dog—a dog wearing a cone around his neck! Maybe he had fleas or had just been neutered, but for whatever reason this dog felt so depressed he wanted to fling himself into traffic. At the last moment however, he must have decided that wearing a cone wasn’t the end of the world and he turned back with only precious seconds to spare! Crazy mutt! So now it’s strange that I’ve nearly hit two animals and I’m beginning to feel a bit uneasy.

Now the sun is setting (which is a tricky time to drive) and it is getting dark quickly. We’re somewhere in California and the sunset over a huge lake has been so beautiful I have trouble keeping my eyes on the road. However I must have had them on the road just enough because I very narrowly escape plowing our van into a large young Buck. Antlers and everything! There he was, majestic as anything, sauntering across the road without bothering to look both ways! This one was a much closer call than the cow, had to really hit the brakes, as it was dark and I didn’t see him till I was too close for comfort. I apologized profusely to my shaken passengers, but they were happy I’d stopped short rather than hit it! Knees shaking I continue.

The drive is uneventful for a time, but I feel a distinct apprehension. 3 near misses- the next time I’m bound to hit something. I can only pray that it is small and not human. I start joking that about the hypothetical menagerie of animals that may find themselves drawn before the beam of my headlights, and since we are now driving through parts of the desert I start imagining even Extra Terrestrials crossing my ill-fated path.

We get off on a wrong exit and have to take a strange little connector road with corn crops towering next to us and hardly a car in sight when I have to break fo another animal! It wasn’t an alien, but a skunk! Waddling right across the road at a leisurely pace. Now this is just getting crazy!

We drive by a freshly killed coyote and I feel as though that was a near miss for me as well, when a huge bird (probably an OWL) dives infront of the van, deciding that a fine cruising altitude of 3 feet would be safe! As I’m on the highway at this point and it happened so fast I just have to be grateful that that Owl’s luck held out and he just barely flirted with the disaster that would have been him smeared all over my grill.

By this time we were nearly to the hotel and I couldn’t be happier- my knees were weak and I was drained from the undue amount of vigilance I had needed to maintain. Maybe Mother Nature had it in for me, maybe it was a coincidence, but NOBODY else on this tour has ever come close to hitting any animals, yet I had 5 encounters in one ride! Boy am I glad I wasn’t driving in BigFoot territory- I would have felt just awful hitting something so endangered and rare- not to mention the Damage he’d do to the van!

Love you, and can’t wait to come home to New England where the flora and fauna are better proportioned!

-BETH

P.S.
The American Southwest is quite an interesting place, very evocative of the movie westerns and childhood imaginings of cowboys and indians. Here is a short list of some of my favorite place-names that we drove by:

Dead Man Wash
Horse Thief Canyon
Bloody Basin
Dead Horse Gulch
Dry Beaver Creek
Two Guns
Meteor Crater Road
Dead River
Coyote Landing
Crazy Creek
Big Bug Creek