Some people

There are certain people that just get right under my skin.  No matter how hard I try to be calm, relax, shrug, and let their antics roll over me--no matter what I try to tell myself, they drive me up the fucking wall.

For example, my niece, whom I am supposed to love to pieces, drives me out of my skin sometimes.  She is so fucking frustrating.  Lazy, unmotivated, completely uninspired, ungrateful, selfish, self-centered, unappealing. 
Now here's the thing; I also have a nephew I don't care for, but for some reason, though I basically would never interact with him unless completely necessary by virtue of being my sister's son, I don't really care that I dislike him.  But with the niece?  GRRRRR!!!  It's like I can't even enjoy being around her, no matter how hard I try.  I feel like there's always something new to criticize, some new flaw that irks me, some previously undiscovered trait that just rubs me the wrong way!

I hate this about me, and feel guilty, because it has obviously affected my relationship with her.  It's like she's sitting on all this potential to be an amazing person, sitting on it because she'd too lazy and unmotivated to do anything great.

I think I despise her because it's like watching myself make all the same mistakes (and more!) for a second time, and being powerless to stop it.

So naturally I wonder if I will feel such disgust with any of my potential future progeny. 

There are others.  That get to me.  That I look at and shake my head and want to scream at, and that make me grit my teeth and GRRRR and shriek with frustration.

What I need to work on is somehow masking my contempt.  Since nothing in the wa of 'Relax' mantras is even making a dent in my irrational private rage!

In other news, I made such a delicious smoothie yesterday with blueberries from a farmer's market!  Hooray!

And Most of the kids were pretty jazzed about the Orange Script.  I have, essentially and hour and a half to direct it.  Ha.  Wish me all the luck in the world!

They are great kids.