Tis the season.
Not the season for holly and mistletoe and big red suits and jingling bells. Not yet. Despite what discount mega stores may imply with their months-early stock.
Nay.
Tis the season of spiced apple cider.
Of pumpkin patches and burnished horizons. Of flooded red bogs and thick rolling fogs.
the season of crisp morning air and long knit scarves and frost on the fallen leaves.
Tis the season wherein the atmosphere seems to crackle with a charged energy--a mystery and a nostalgia.
Tis the very witching time of year... When the veil seems thinner... when the paranormal seems not only possible, but probable.
I can very nearly TASTE the spirits in the air around.
I adore this time of year; the dichotomy between the cozy and the Cryptozoic titillates and tickles me.
Imaginations gambol and fancy takes flight. Whispers and whimsy and wild propositions.
Tis the season we humans indulge in comfort food, indulge in earthly delights before the torpor of winter saps us of out virility and vigor.
Tis ghost-hunting season! mwahahahahahahah!
That being said.
It is also, unfortunately the time of year where people insist on decorating their suburban lawns with the most ridiculous bullshit.
Being Irish, I have some serious pet peeves on this subject.
Let's start with the acceptable, and work our way toward the vomit-inducing, shall we?
So, being a New Englander, the type of autumnal home decoration that I not only approve-of but almost DEMAND? The obligatory harvest display.
Get yourself some various gourds (the more gnarled and mishaped the better), grab a hay bale, a corn stalk or two and some mums? You've got yourself a classic Fall tableau. Throw in some brambly branches and we're golden. Also acceptable? A charming and traditional-looking scarecrow.
A little too Martha? Tough. This is what autumn in new england should look like.
Ok, so say you aren't the suburbanite, better-homes & gardens type. Say you want to play upmthe fun and drama of this scintillating ans spooky time of year? Well, then, naturally you will want to decorate for all hallow's eve!
But if you're going to do this, please jesus, do it right!
If you're going for spooky, by heaven, commit!
Now, honestly, this CAN be done without special effects and big budgets. Check out these simple, yet stylized solutions:
Simple yet elegant. Done well and not over done.
Ok, so if that's too tame for you, you'll want to explore creating some fucking installation art. You'll want to TRANSFORM your mundane suburban lawn into a creepy, eerie nightmare!
If you choose to do this, folks, there are no half-measures. Half measures are for pussies. Go big or go the fuck home.
COMMIT, dammit!
Make little kids shriek in delighted terror, and make other adults green with envy. Be the haunted fucking house you dreamt of as a pre-teen.
And dont' by any means, get sucked in to the cutesy trap.
The nauseating, icky, pablum that floods mega value marts this time o'year.
The inflatable sort of generic bullshit that makes your eyes roll back in your skull.
That makes you literally retch as you drive by.
Guhck.
And don't even get me started on costumes...
Not the season for holly and mistletoe and big red suits and jingling bells. Not yet. Despite what discount mega stores may imply with their months-early stock.
Nay.
Tis the season of spiced apple cider.
Of pumpkin patches and burnished horizons. Of flooded red bogs and thick rolling fogs.
the season of crisp morning air and long knit scarves and frost on the fallen leaves.
Tis the season wherein the atmosphere seems to crackle with a charged energy--a mystery and a nostalgia.
Tis the very witching time of year... When the veil seems thinner... when the paranormal seems not only possible, but probable.
I can very nearly TASTE the spirits in the air around.
I adore this time of year; the dichotomy between the cozy and the Cryptozoic titillates and tickles me.
Imaginations gambol and fancy takes flight. Whispers and whimsy and wild propositions.
Tis the season we humans indulge in comfort food, indulge in earthly delights before the torpor of winter saps us of out virility and vigor.
Tis ghost-hunting season! mwahahahahahahah!
That being said.
It is also, unfortunately the time of year where people insist on decorating their suburban lawns with the most ridiculous bullshit.
Being Irish, I have some serious pet peeves on this subject.
Let's start with the acceptable, and work our way toward the vomit-inducing, shall we?
So, being a New Englander, the type of autumnal home decoration that I not only approve-of but almost DEMAND? The obligatory harvest display.
Get yourself some various gourds (the more gnarled and mishaped the better), grab a hay bale, a corn stalk or two and some mums? You've got yourself a classic Fall tableau. Throw in some brambly branches and we're golden. Also acceptable? A charming and traditional-looking scarecrow.
A little too Martha? Tough. This is what autumn in new england should look like.
 |
| Look at all the gourdy gourds! |
Ok, so say you aren't the suburbanite, better-homes & gardens type. Say you want to play upmthe fun and drama of this scintillating ans spooky time of year? Well, then, naturally you will want to decorate for all hallow's eve!
But if you're going to do this, please jesus, do it right!
If you're going for spooky, by heaven, commit!
Now, honestly, this CAN be done without special effects and big budgets. Check out these simple, yet stylized solutions:
Simple yet elegant. Done well and not over done.
Ok, so if that's too tame for you, you'll want to explore creating some fucking installation art. You'll want to TRANSFORM your mundane suburban lawn into a creepy, eerie nightmare!
 |
| Stylize, helped to great effect by the fog machine. |
 |
| Add caption |
 |
| The ufo is fucking stellar! |
 |
| Yeah. Dry ice or a fog machine really fucking help. everything. |
If you choose to do this, folks, there are no half-measures. Half measures are for pussies. Go big or go the fuck home.
COMMIT, dammit!
Make little kids shriek in delighted terror, and make other adults green with envy. Be the haunted fucking house you dreamt of as a pre-teen.
And dont' by any means, get sucked in to the cutesy trap.
The nauseating, icky, pablum that floods mega value marts this time o'year.
That makes you literally retch as you drive by.
And, for god's sake, please don't buy every single inflatable lawn ornament and stick them all out there together in a horrible pastiche with no rhyme, reason, or thought to composition.
Guhck.
And don't even get me started on costumes...
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1 comment:
is it wrong that i'm promoting obama to my students and telling them to spread the word to all their voter eligible friends? and when i get a question or comment like, "well, my other teacher said obama didn't keep all his promises..." is it wrong that i respond with, well, that is because your other teacher is an idiot.
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