How many times does my body have to kick my ass and take my name before I finally kick the junk-food\fast-food binge habit?

Seriously.

Fast food makes me ill.  Like, without fail.  Everytime this happens I vow that this will be the last time! By God!  I'll never be hungry enough again that I will order Dominoes or stop for fries at BK AGAIN! Hear me?  I'll never be THAT hungry AGAIN! (Scarlett O'Hara fist shaking at the blazing sunset in silhouette implied)

And yet.  Every few months or so I break down and repeat this terribly unhealthy mistake.  I wrote a line in a vignette recently that begins: "It was a stupid mistake..."  It is a sizzler, btws, and I can't wait to share it...eventually, but anyway, it ends like this, this is the last few sentences of the vignette:

She promised herself she’d forget all about that terrible mistake.

But when it happens a second time, and a third, and happens again after that—can that be fairly characterized as a mistake?  When does continued commission of a ‘mistake’ become more accurately termed a deliberate transgression?  A sordid habit?  A dirty little secret?

Oooh, tantalizing!  Anyway, that's a little how I feel about this ridiculous weakness I seem to have for crappy, valueless gnosh that wreaks havoc on my body!  Why do I do this???  At least this mistake won't cost me my marriage or get me knocked up (one hopes... eeek!), but still, though.  It is yucky.  And I regret it.  And my walk of shame may be shorter, just from the couch to the bathroom and then up to bed, but it still rankles, because I SHOULD KNOW BETTER BY NOW!!  Is it a self esteem thing? lol.  No, in this case I'm pretty certain I don't have daddy issues, more laziness issues.  I completely didn't want to cook after a long week with the kitchen already a mess waiting to be tackled.  So we ordered food to be delivered.  And her I lay, wasted and yuck and full of regrets.

So no more.  No more fast food.  You heard me. Mark my words, and bludgeon me with a handy cudgel if ever you see me eyeballing some menu or putting my blinker on for BK fries.

And the thing that kills me is that I have already given up so many various and sundry fast foods for moral reasons or political statements.  I haven't eaten at McDonalds in literally YEARS.  I haven't touched Wendy's for as long, either.  BK I do the fries and the Hershey Pies, but that is IT!! There's obviously nothing for me at KFC, and every once in a very blue moon do I go for Taco bell (cuz it is absolutely gross, but oh so tasty gross) (and we totally buy the taco bell seasoning kit for our veggie tacos at home sometimes, lol. yummier than ortega!).  And Dunks?  gross.  I had a wake-up wrap the other day and felt uber guilty.  I can practically feel the hormones from those yucky death-mill eggs infecting my body!  But, yum, that awful-for-you-government0issue-american-cheese is oh-so melty!

But pretty much most any fried foods or overly greasy foods will do this to me.  So certain take-out shops and big name pizza chains are right-out.  Dominoes is one of these.  I know this.  I should not have done this.  But I did.  Alas.  And I am paying the instant-karma kind of price.

Also I was offered and ate a really yummy piece of chocolate today.  And it was so yummy and exotic that I asked to see the box.  And wanted to slap my idiot self for not asking for the box upfront, like I ALWAYS do since becoming a vegetarian.  Because, sho' 'nuff, the shit had Gelatin in it.  FUCK!  And the kicker is, that this was offered to me by my work friend, who is a VEGETARIAN and has been for YEARS and YEARS and YEARS!!  WTF?  And I KNOW she's a 'don't eat gelatin' girl, so what the hell?  Jesus.  Thank goodness it was a wee piece.  It was so good, but I am so pissed!

So my body and my soul are super displeased with me tonight.

And I'm waking up hella early and doing the SATs tomorrow!  Woot to extra money, less woot to waking up earlysauce on my saturday and wasting half a day watching other people take a test.

I think I need a soothing tea and a cozy bed.

Night folks!

And don't let me eat this shit AGAIN!!!!