Lockdown

Wild day.  Lockdown drill at work.  draining and interesting and just all kinds of weird.

I'd like to say that ever since I decided not to pursue writing in any formal way, my brain seems to have decided to give me the big old middle finger.  Turns out my brain\creativity\talent\whatever does NOT like to hear itself referred to as 'a hobbyist' and so has given me the big: "Fuck, YOU, Bitch", and gone on vacation or maybe gone for good.

Because even though I think about my characters all day every day I haven't written a single thing!  The delaneys et al are up in my noodle, things are a-stirrin', but when I sit down to write?  Nada.  Nadie.  Nunca.  Nothing.  Blank.  a cypher.  a big fat zero.  a blinking cruser on a big white screen.

So, who knows?  Maybe the impulse wil return, the happy felicity of writing, and maybe it won't.  Who can say?  I am listening to the universe, trying to find my path, and the more elusive my ability to write proves, the more assured I am that doing such a thing for a CAREER is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea.

For the readers of CF: not to fret.  I seriously have like A HUNDRED more vignettes to post to the blog, to keep you reading for probably months!  The only thing I can't promise is a nice, neat ending.  Now that I probably can't write anymore.  Maybe, when all is said and done, I'll take and post guest submissions for how you readers would end it!  That would be wildly fun (for me...)!

I enter production week after today.  SO I may be scarce around these parts.  It kicks off a month and a half of craziness, so I might be off the radar for a while.

Hey, while stuck in lockdown today in a classroom, there was a book on the teacher's desk, and I was intrigued.  It was a collection of women's diary entries.  Women accross time and continents.  Some famous, live George Sand and Virginia Wolfe and Anne Frank, and others were just women living there life in whatever times they lived and keeping a journal.  It was fascinating.  and spoke to why we blog.

I think I'll order it on amazon and really give it a good read through. 

Still really blue.  Especially because work was so weird. 

I cried this morning.  Aaron was an angel.  And tonight I go to drama rehearsal.  I can't tell you how much I really want to quit everything and just go on a vision quest or something.

Wah, right?  Wah, wah, wah.

I know.  Half of why I'm so blue is because I am aware of how ridiculous it is for me to be so blue, and what an asshole I sound like\look like\seem like when I mope like this. very frustrating.

I'll be sure to let you know when I'm a happy egg again!

Wish I were celebrating National Masturbation Month....