I realize nobody out there really gives a shit, but missing days of posting really bothers me! Obviously you can tell it's been a bit of a busy week for me. Plus, it is really impeding my ability to post when I can't seem to log on from work. I called tech support yesterday and they were supremely unhelpful.
I have a couple applications out there and aim to have at least three more out by week's end. Of course I'm also supposed to be preparing a shakespeare workshop for my thursday night teens and I just don't know where my time goes. It slips away like water through my fingers. And what little time I do manage to pool together? Well then I find myself with too little energy or ambition to do much with it.
Plus I wanted to start writing abstractly. But I don't actually think I have an abstract bone in my body, lol, except for parody. So every abstract blog post I sit down to write walks the line between goddamn awful shite and hilariously tongue-in-cheek.
Here's what's on my plate this week as far as self improvement goes:
~Try to get back into the habit of taking the vitamins. I'm thinking I'll do them after dinner, because taking them at work is a huge hassle.
~ Give. Up. Junk Food. For real. No more dicking around. I don't need that shit in my body. I need to STOP. I need to be actively healthy instead of passively unhealthy!
~Drink more Water.
~Continue with the new Oil Cleanse Method, but supplement it with washing with honey. More on this if it works out, lol.
~Say "Oh Well" alot more. Until I believe it. Until I feel it. "Oh Well."
~Continue to go balls to the wall with the whole 'Thoughtlessly Perfect' endeavor.
~Make a doctor's appointment. I'm a grown woman. I can do this. I must do this. I will do this. Soon.
~Get in touch with debt counsel.
~Avoid sharp objects, lengths of rope, electricity near water, and wining cliff roads at night.
~Practice kindness and patience with myself and others. Resist the urge to resent those super-mortals among us who posess every good quality that I lack, and refuse to take my inferiority out on my loving husband.
~Talk less shit. It isn't good for the karma. Or the reputation. Keep. Mouth. Shut. Opinions to self. Shut the fuck up. Shut it. Smile and be pleasant.
Ambitious self-improvement goals eh?
The other thing on my mind lately has been this idea of the Voice. Self Expression and the Self. I have come to notice over the years that my ideas and my opinions have the tendency to be dismissed or ignored or trivialized or diminished when given. Which would be frustrating enough, right? But here's the worst part: My opinions\advice\recommendations are ignored one minute but then when another individual gives voice to THE SAME FUCKING IDEA all of a sudden it seems that the idea is wonderful, revolutionary, innovative, and absolutely perfect! That's what we''l do! We'll do this thing that Beth said earlier but wasn't good enough when she said it! Yayyyyyyy!
I mean, really? WTF? This happened to me ad nauseum whilst student teaching. It happened to the point that it really broke my spirit and shattered my self worth. I find it happening at my job alot more than I am comfortable with. But when it happens at home? Oh my fucking lord, it makes me want to tear my hair out and screem until my throat bleeds. It makes me almost literally insane with rage.
Prolly not a healthy reaction.
But seriously? It makes me feel crazy. Like, all of a sudden one person says: 'Let's try this' and now, just because it came out of that person's mouth, NOW it's a valid suggestion? Remember when I said that two days ago? What was wrong with the idea then? Jesus. It is wildly frustrating.
So I'm forced to take a step back and examine why it is that my Ideas, which prove to be valid, useful, excellent ideas, are ignored when uttered from my lips. What is it about the way I'm presenting the ideas? Or what is it about me that makes the ideas seem less than viable options? What am I doing to misrepresent myself and my brilliance so thoroughly?
This will take some pondering.
Right now I gotta scoot, as I'mma be late for the job where no one listens to me and I go unapreciated. lol.
Ciao.
I have a couple applications out there and aim to have at least three more out by week's end. Of course I'm also supposed to be preparing a shakespeare workshop for my thursday night teens and I just don't know where my time goes. It slips away like water through my fingers. And what little time I do manage to pool together? Well then I find myself with too little energy or ambition to do much with it.
Plus I wanted to start writing abstractly. But I don't actually think I have an abstract bone in my body, lol, except for parody. So every abstract blog post I sit down to write walks the line between goddamn awful shite and hilariously tongue-in-cheek.
Here's what's on my plate this week as far as self improvement goes:
~Try to get back into the habit of taking the vitamins. I'm thinking I'll do them after dinner, because taking them at work is a huge hassle.
~ Give. Up. Junk Food. For real. No more dicking around. I don't need that shit in my body. I need to STOP. I need to be actively healthy instead of passively unhealthy!
~Drink more Water.
~Continue with the new Oil Cleanse Method, but supplement it with washing with honey. More on this if it works out, lol.
~Say "Oh Well" alot more. Until I believe it. Until I feel it. "Oh Well."
~Continue to go balls to the wall with the whole 'Thoughtlessly Perfect' endeavor.
~Make a doctor's appointment. I'm a grown woman. I can do this. I must do this. I will do this. Soon.
~Get in touch with debt counsel.
~Avoid sharp objects, lengths of rope, electricity near water, and wining cliff roads at night.
~Practice kindness and patience with myself and others. Resist the urge to resent those super-mortals among us who posess every good quality that I lack, and refuse to take my inferiority out on my loving husband.
~Talk less shit. It isn't good for the karma. Or the reputation. Keep. Mouth. Shut. Opinions to self. Shut the fuck up. Shut it. Smile and be pleasant.
Ambitious self-improvement goals eh?
The other thing on my mind lately has been this idea of the Voice. Self Expression and the Self. I have come to notice over the years that my ideas and my opinions have the tendency to be dismissed or ignored or trivialized or diminished when given. Which would be frustrating enough, right? But here's the worst part: My opinions\advice\recommendations are ignored one minute but then when another individual gives voice to THE SAME FUCKING IDEA all of a sudden it seems that the idea is wonderful, revolutionary, innovative, and absolutely perfect! That's what we''l do! We'll do this thing that Beth said earlier but wasn't good enough when she said it! Yayyyyyyy!
I mean, really? WTF? This happened to me ad nauseum whilst student teaching. It happened to the point that it really broke my spirit and shattered my self worth. I find it happening at my job alot more than I am comfortable with. But when it happens at home? Oh my fucking lord, it makes me want to tear my hair out and screem until my throat bleeds. It makes me almost literally insane with rage.
Prolly not a healthy reaction.
But seriously? It makes me feel crazy. Like, all of a sudden one person says: 'Let's try this' and now, just because it came out of that person's mouth, NOW it's a valid suggestion? Remember when I said that two days ago? What was wrong with the idea then? Jesus. It is wildly frustrating.
So I'm forced to take a step back and examine why it is that my Ideas, which prove to be valid, useful, excellent ideas, are ignored when uttered from my lips. What is it about the way I'm presenting the ideas? Or what is it about me that makes the ideas seem less than viable options? What am I doing to misrepresent myself and my brilliance so thoroughly?
This will take some pondering.
Right now I gotta scoot, as I'mma be late for the job where no one listens to me and I go unapreciated. lol.
Ciao.
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1 comment:
we know its not the idea. maybe you need to say it with attitude. you know, like you state the idea like you are slapping everybody with your giant cock in the face. :) nicki minaji said something similar on her tv special. when women demand something, they are bitches. but men? its cool.
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