Sorry I missed a couple days there. It has been increasingly difficult to log onto blogspot from work for some reason, and yesterday was the Semi Final round of Drama Festival followed by an awesomely fun gamenight that stretched into the weeeeeee tiny hours of the AM, so this is my first real opportunity to post.
And I am a busy fucking bee. I would rather be a goddamn sloth. But I'm a bee.
I'm a sloth trapped in a bee's life maybe. Because running around multitasking and go-go-go certainly do not come readily to me. And doing all this baloney at once is making me a grumpypuss.
What I want to do: Wave a magic wand and make the following things happen splendidly~~~
Dishes Done
Laundry Done
The Loft cleaned and returned to my bedroom.
Coverletters written and printed
Packets sent out gloriously (maybe with extra fucking fairy dust for lucksies)
food shopping done and paid for by a mysterious benefactor
bills disappeared forever end everafter
my new website designed and launched with spectacular aplomb and to rave reviews and folks clamboring to hire me!
The Cedar Falls Site updated and suddenly read by hundreds and thousands of avid readers!
All the cat hair and cat smell in the apartment to prestodigitonium themselves right the fuck out of my life.
My Taxes did
Plants watered
Cats fed
Me fed
Bathroom scrubbed and sparkling
And my ass parked in front of my new awesomepants videogame that I haven't been able to spare a minute for since the day after I received it.
And then me relaxing with a glass of wine and beautiful creativity pouring from my fingers into the world of cedar falls with new vignettes and shorts.
And maybe time\money\hours left in the day to see my loved ones and relax relax relax
Is that too much to ask? Will that amount of magic break the magic bank?
Perhaps.
So yes. While I've got a load of laundry in and dishes soaking, and a minute alone to myself whilst Aaron fulfills some obligatory demand on his time, I am taking a mo to blog. God damn but I seem to really get a kick out of fucking blogging. Why do you think this is folks?
I'm not sure it makes me any better or worse, really. That is to say, I'm not sure it contributes to my goal for self-improvement, but neither do I see it as a vice really. But what is it?
Ay ay ay. In this moment? Who gives a shit? It is a minute or two to myself to be thoughtlessly perfect.
lol.
SO........ A website. I want one. I kinda need one. A teaching portfolio one. I have one that I set up whilst I was a grad student, but I wanted so much more! I want it to look really professional and be everything that I need it to be, and also be totally manageable by moi, and easy to use and, well, I want a miraculaous narnia website of milk and honey apparently.
I bought a domain name, which, lol, I actually can't remember off the top of my head, heeheehee. And now I need a site! Aaron suggested some site, but those really just look like blogs! I already have a fucking blog. 2 in fact. I want a goddamn site. He assures me that this will be no problem, but the man has been pulled in so many goddamn directions lately that I feel like I can't ask him to take the time to help me. Besides, I want to be able to do this on my own. I want to be self-sufficient and strong and useful in my own right. Truth be told, I'm getting a little sick of being the nearly useless sidekick of a great man.
I'm not sick of the man, no no no. As previosuly mentioned: He's Great! He's fan-fucking-tastic actually. He's brilliant and clever, and ingenious, and capable, and wonderful, and pretty fucking perfect in every way. In fact, the only thing that could improve him would be if there were two or more of him so that he could accomplish all the tasks set before him without as much stress and pressure. He's a catch, folks. An absolute dream of an individual and I'm the luckiest person alive to get to share his life.
So where's the but? Here's the but: BUT. I'm growing weary of watching him struggle through project after project where I can be of NO ASSISTANCE to him at all. I want to share his burden, not sit by and offer moral support while he pushes through deadline after deadline. I want to be able to do what he always does for me; I want to take some of the tasks off his plate and put them onto mine, lessen his load, divide and conquer. But can I whip up a new image in photshop? Nah. Can I set up a website? Nope. Can I research online printers, maybe but not to any great effect. He's always better at any and every given task\assignment, and I am really starting to feel useless in this partnership.
The thing is, I know I'm not actually a useless individual! I recognize that I have strengths and I have value and that I am incomparable and all. BUT. But this relationship has just become so so SO unbalanced, and I worry that the strain of him constantly being the one to tun to, the one who can do things, the one who needs to be the one who does things (because I am incompetent by comparison) will keep tipping the scales untill the spill ans collapse and we're just a pile, a heap, a nothing.
So I need to figure out what to do about this website of mine, and I need to do it without asking too much help from him. I need it for myself, is that understandable? It's funny. I often tell him that if I were with someone else I'd be alot more capable. For instance, I am fully capable of hanging a shelf or constructing furniture, or fixing most household things. My Dad brought me up doing all sorts of shit like that, and I have worked as a theatre tech off and on for forever. I have the smarts and the ingenuity and the common sense and the werewithal to tackle those sorts of problems and tasks and projects. But somehow, with Aaron around? Things sort of have a way of waiting until he's around and has a minute, you know?
This is partly because he's a perfectionist, too folks. Like in our last apartment, he was pleased as punch that I'd hung that shelf, but it bothered him something fierce that it wasn't centered in the space and so eventually he moved it so that he could live with it. I'd hung the shelf perfectly well, but he needed it to be just so.
So, to avoid having to do things twice, I hold off on projects where I know he'd prefer to have control. Gosh, this makes him sound controlling, he really is not. He is just better at doing these things than most mortals, plus he has a streak of OCD about lines and spacing and arranging things.
Anyway. Any free website building advice? I'm not interested in another blog styles site. I want a real ass site. I need potential employers to look it over and be impressed enough to call me in for an interview. And if I can do it myself, this is a big bonus because then I get to tout myself as tech savvy, and wow them with how I built and manage this awesomesauce site all by my onsesey, not with the help of my perfect husband whome they should really be hiring instead of me whilst I sit at home on my slothful ass playing videogames and dreaming up a world of fiction no one reads.
And I am a busy fucking bee. I would rather be a goddamn sloth. But I'm a bee.
I'm a sloth trapped in a bee's life maybe. Because running around multitasking and go-go-go certainly do not come readily to me. And doing all this baloney at once is making me a grumpypuss.
What I want to do: Wave a magic wand and make the following things happen splendidly~~~
Dishes Done
Laundry Done
The Loft cleaned and returned to my bedroom.
Coverletters written and printed
Packets sent out gloriously (maybe with extra fucking fairy dust for lucksies)
food shopping done and paid for by a mysterious benefactor
bills disappeared forever end everafter
my new website designed and launched with spectacular aplomb and to rave reviews and folks clamboring to hire me!
The Cedar Falls Site updated and suddenly read by hundreds and thousands of avid readers!
All the cat hair and cat smell in the apartment to prestodigitonium themselves right the fuck out of my life.
My Taxes did
Plants watered
Cats fed
Me fed
Bathroom scrubbed and sparkling
And my ass parked in front of my new awesomepants videogame that I haven't been able to spare a minute for since the day after I received it.
And then me relaxing with a glass of wine and beautiful creativity pouring from my fingers into the world of cedar falls with new vignettes and shorts.
And maybe time\money\hours left in the day to see my loved ones and relax relax relax
Is that too much to ask? Will that amount of magic break the magic bank?
Perhaps.
So yes. While I've got a load of laundry in and dishes soaking, and a minute alone to myself whilst Aaron fulfills some obligatory demand on his time, I am taking a mo to blog. God damn but I seem to really get a kick out of fucking blogging. Why do you think this is folks?
I'm not sure it makes me any better or worse, really. That is to say, I'm not sure it contributes to my goal for self-improvement, but neither do I see it as a vice really. But what is it?
Ay ay ay. In this moment? Who gives a shit? It is a minute or two to myself to be thoughtlessly perfect.
lol.
SO........ A website. I want one. I kinda need one. A teaching portfolio one. I have one that I set up whilst I was a grad student, but I wanted so much more! I want it to look really professional and be everything that I need it to be, and also be totally manageable by moi, and easy to use and, well, I want a miraculaous narnia website of milk and honey apparently.
I bought a domain name, which, lol, I actually can't remember off the top of my head, heeheehee. And now I need a site! Aaron suggested some site, but those really just look like blogs! I already have a fucking blog. 2 in fact. I want a goddamn site. He assures me that this will be no problem, but the man has been pulled in so many goddamn directions lately that I feel like I can't ask him to take the time to help me. Besides, I want to be able to do this on my own. I want to be self-sufficient and strong and useful in my own right. Truth be told, I'm getting a little sick of being the nearly useless sidekick of a great man.
I'm not sick of the man, no no no. As previosuly mentioned: He's Great! He's fan-fucking-tastic actually. He's brilliant and clever, and ingenious, and capable, and wonderful, and pretty fucking perfect in every way. In fact, the only thing that could improve him would be if there were two or more of him so that he could accomplish all the tasks set before him without as much stress and pressure. He's a catch, folks. An absolute dream of an individual and I'm the luckiest person alive to get to share his life.
So where's the but? Here's the but: BUT. I'm growing weary of watching him struggle through project after project where I can be of NO ASSISTANCE to him at all. I want to share his burden, not sit by and offer moral support while he pushes through deadline after deadline. I want to be able to do what he always does for me; I want to take some of the tasks off his plate and put them onto mine, lessen his load, divide and conquer. But can I whip up a new image in photshop? Nah. Can I set up a website? Nope. Can I research online printers, maybe but not to any great effect. He's always better at any and every given task\assignment, and I am really starting to feel useless in this partnership.
The thing is, I know I'm not actually a useless individual! I recognize that I have strengths and I have value and that I am incomparable and all. BUT. But this relationship has just become so so SO unbalanced, and I worry that the strain of him constantly being the one to tun to, the one who can do things, the one who needs to be the one who does things (because I am incompetent by comparison) will keep tipping the scales untill the spill ans collapse and we're just a pile, a heap, a nothing.
So I need to figure out what to do about this website of mine, and I need to do it without asking too much help from him. I need it for myself, is that understandable? It's funny. I often tell him that if I were with someone else I'd be alot more capable. For instance, I am fully capable of hanging a shelf or constructing furniture, or fixing most household things. My Dad brought me up doing all sorts of shit like that, and I have worked as a theatre tech off and on for forever. I have the smarts and the ingenuity and the common sense and the werewithal to tackle those sorts of problems and tasks and projects. But somehow, with Aaron around? Things sort of have a way of waiting until he's around and has a minute, you know?
This is partly because he's a perfectionist, too folks. Like in our last apartment, he was pleased as punch that I'd hung that shelf, but it bothered him something fierce that it wasn't centered in the space and so eventually he moved it so that he could live with it. I'd hung the shelf perfectly well, but he needed it to be just so.
So, to avoid having to do things twice, I hold off on projects where I know he'd prefer to have control. Gosh, this makes him sound controlling, he really is not. He is just better at doing these things than most mortals, plus he has a streak of OCD about lines and spacing and arranging things.
Anyway. Any free website building advice? I'm not interested in another blog styles site. I want a real ass site. I need potential employers to look it over and be impressed enough to call me in for an interview. And if I can do it myself, this is a big bonus because then I get to tout myself as tech savvy, and wow them with how I built and manage this awesomesauce site all by my onsesey, not with the help of my perfect husband whome they should really be hiring instead of me whilst I sit at home on my slothful ass playing videogames and dreaming up a world of fiction no one reads.
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