Somedays and Somehows

I love the theatre, and I simultaneously can't stand it.  Somedays I wish for nothing more than to never have to teach a drama class ever ever again.  Otherdays I feel an adoration for the job and a fulfillment and a wonder.

What does one do with this?

Shrug one's shoulders and keep one's head down, one guesses.

I've selected the pieces I'll be directing for Starline--or, well--I have tentatively selected the pieces.
Listen to these terribly exciting titles (and try to contain your enthusiasm):

Bottle of Joy -- for my youngest group

Little Red and the Hoods; or Totally Red (haven't decided)  for my middle group

And for the oldest group I chose not to do one mediocre play, but decided rather to do an amalgamation of things.  A pastiche.  A collage of scenework and monologues and cobble it together into some kind of show.  Right now I'm running with a 'plays about theatre' motif (but recognize that this may not be perfect or even completely possible.)

I'm planning on tackling shakespeare with them and doing all the Rude Mechanicals scenes from Midsummer-- the common folk who are rehearsing and performing a play for the duke.

Interspersed between the shakespeare I'd like to have them do monologues and scenes, and am trying to find scenes about being in a play or being in theatre.  I'm looking at Stage Door and All About Eve and such, but also at light-hearted fripperies like I Hate Hamlet and The actor's Nightmare and such.

And finally there is a short piece that has the perfect number of parts for them called My Gypsy Robe, about a group of dancers and a costume woman, getting ready for opening night.  One is fresh and green and one is jaded and pessimistic and it is about the magic of the theatre and yadda yadda. yadda.

And that's where we stand.  For my Drama Enrichment at Cottage Street I'm doing some shit from Magic Theatre because it is easy and flexible and ensemble based. 

And we're still in a holding pattern for the summer-- I'm kinda feeling Suessical or something really wild like that, but am just happy that I'll get to work on a musical!  I have a whole degree in musical theatre afterall...

But who really gives a flying fuck what are degrees are in?  I have aquired for myself two very expensive and very esoteric little distinctions haven't I?  A BFA in Musical Theatre and an MA in Theatre Education.  Silly, Silly Ms. Reardon.  So foolish.  Majoring in what is, in essence, a thing other people consider a hobby.  Oh look, I have an advanced degree in Fly Fishing!  A Doctorate in parlor tricks, a masters in whistling!

But they tell you to do what you love. 

Maybe they oughtn't tell people that?

If I had it to do over again, would I do it differently?  I dislike looking backward.  I like to think that every step in our journey takes us to where we are today, and that mistakes aren't actually mistakes at all, but just another path we've walked.  Another experience that has added to our character.

But when you're looking around you and not loving the circumstances you've gotten yourself into?  Sometimes, in those moments, it's hard not to look back and wonder 'what if?'

What if I'd decided, like most sensible people, that majoring in Theatre was an unnecessary and impractical thing to do?  What if I'd found something more productive and more employable to do with myself?  Would I already have a secure job and a child or two?  I think so.  And that engenders a sort of grief, a mourning for that opportunity missed, that road not taken, you know?

I am thankful for the people I've met along the way and the things I've learned, and know that every experience has added to my character, but am I really a better person today?  I can't answer in the affirmative.  And I'm certainly not better off. 

So what to do?  Where do I go?

For now I'm essentially locked into the education field, whether it is my passion or the bane of my existence.  I am hoping my new habit of optimism will help me ward off the blues and re-frame the field into something at least tolerable. Yet I am not, apparently, especially employable.  Or hireable.  But I gotta make it happen, somehow.  Somehow I need to convince the world that they should hire me as an english teacher or a drama teacher or a whateverthefucktheyneed teacher!

Because I need to get me a job and get good at it and get tenure so that I can have some stability in life.  So that Aaron can go back to school and get paid what he deserves (or at least closer to what he deserves--in all honesty, the man is fantastic and should be paid off the charts for what he does for people, but oh well-- public school salary is better than instructional assistant wages by far!)

And the writing?  And the dreams of opening my own performing arts school?  And the ideal of becoming a professor at a college?  All that will have to wait.  For someday.  That bittersweet catch-all of hopes and maybes.

{Hey D, I know you have new textbooks to slog through-- how far along are you in the stories?  I have a Maggie one I want to post.}

Much Love!

The In-School Suspension Teacher, who just got over emotional at the announcement about bullying and a new organization at the school called LOVMAD or: Let Our Voices Make A Difference!

I hope my voice makes a difference.  Someday, somehow, someday...