Paranoia Pie

Morning!

Today is the day Aaron went back to work for realsies.  So, morning toast, OJ, a light lunch packed and all that jazz.  Eric spent the night out at a friends so we could talk at our regular volume and everything, which was nice.  And walk around in undies or whatever too.

And simultaneous rousing out of a dead sleep for some spontaneous kinky sex in the wee hours of the morning?  That was ok too!  (I love just waking up and going at it--, like, were we dreaming about foreplay together?  Afterward, after I'd been assuming he'd woken up in the mood and then started, you know, getting me in the mood until, He goes something like:  "How'd that happen?"  or "What happened?"-- sounding as surprised-but pleased- as I was.  So I asked him: "I don't know, you tell me!"  Awesome stuff, half-asleep advances, awesome and naughty and just lovely in their magical unpredictability!)

I do not know if I ever want kids man.  I really value my privacy, like, a ton. 


He's still being a little bizarre though.  And i can't quite get at it.  I'm beginning to wonder if I'm the one who's being abnorml.  I sometimes flex this tendency I have to start looking for trouble when things are going really well for us.  Like i'm suspicious of too much wonderful happiness.  I used to do it all the time in high school.  I was a real drama queen. 

But this doesn't feel like that.  It reall does not.  But I'm trying to relax, trust that everything will work itself through if i am patient and open and receptive.

Plus it doesn't help my paranoia when I spend hours talking to Eric about his relationship woes.  About how they fight, they don't trust eachother enough, about how she looks great naked but how he's super bored in bed because her tastes and preferences are so bland.  Eeek.  I try to give the best possible advice, try to remind him that the relationship is young and it will have growing pains, but secretly I'm thinking: (good god, get it together ion the bedroom or you're in for years of unhappiness and discontent!)

I just deleted a whole bunch of extraneous info because it just isn't my info to give! lol.

but yeah, so now I'm paranoid that secretly Aaron is bored with our sex life, that he's harboring all these secret unhappy, unpleasant feelings and isn't communicating with me.  Which is ridiculous for so many reasons.  but hey, we all do this right?  or am I just completely neurotic?  We all start to wonder, when we see other people's unhappiness or dysfunction, that maybe we're not as happy or functional as we thought, right??

Because I've seen enough lifetime movies to know that if you see another couple's problems and say "Boy am i glad that's not US, boy am I glad that you and i are so perfectly perfect McPerfect!"  Well then, my firend, that's when you find out your paragon of a husband, who looks just like the pastor from seventh heaven, is having a torrid affair with the felicity girl before she cut off all her hair off.  Or you find out that your teenaged daughter julia styles wants to and has had sex with her father, or that's when you find out your husband has been having affairs for years or maybe that he's on the down low, or that maybe not only does he have kinky sex with strangers, but he gets off on muredering them while he's at it, because he is a sociopathic serial murderer.

So yeah.  I', always a little leary of expressing how perfect or wonderful aaron and I are together, because I guess i'm always waiting for that proverbial other shoe to drop out of the sky and smack me in the face for being a gullible, blind, ignorant, delusional little idiot.

I maybe shouldn't watch so many lifetime movies.

Oh christ, and writing Cedar Falls and reading post secrets doesn't help a thing! lol.

Because we really are as close as two people can be.  I think he's really just preoccupied with school starting back up.  I believe he'll settle back into the routine and relax.  He might also relax when i'm actually bringiong in some money, because that kind of stress ain't easy either. am i right?

Alright.  Gotta run.  I'm halfway through Sookie book 3, Club Dead, and it is super steamy and i'mma go read some more before I go accomplishing other tasks.

Love,