cunnilingus

Learn to love her lady blossom, lol.

Ok.

Bold title for an entry.

Now I'm feeling some pressure to deliver!

I've had it on my mind ALOT lately since I purchased this incredible book, which really ought to be a fucking handbook for every straight guy or lesbian, or any bi gal looking to know what she's doing when she gets the opportunity:



But here's what's up with going down:

I'm concerned about our culture, the american one. Probably the fault of the puritans.

Because, where is the cunnilingus?

Living with a 21 year old young man as of late had opened my eyes up to alot of stuff. Gotten me thinking in new ways.

See, I've only had the one sex partner. And he is down with going down. He always has been.

But I guess a huge majority of fellas out there would rather not. Would rather avoid it or make it a special occasion sort of thing. I wonder many things about this. Is it a maturity thing? Do they get more into giving oral as they mature? Is a 28 year old or a 38 year old or a 48 year old increasingly likely to worship at the delta? (or is it the opposite? like, if they didn't do iot when they were young and wild in college are they less and less likely to embrace it as they age? can't teach an old dog new cunnilingus?)

Or is it a personality thing? Are most men raised to feel like it's ok to neglect the nether kiss? It would seem so.And all their peers reinforce this common belief.  Validate it.

I asked, yesterday, about this phenomenon. Since I am continually inundated with overheard stories about how guys get head all the time, how girls go down there, give blowies as a natural consequence of making out or whatnot. But i never hear about guys engaging in makeout sessions with the other pair of lips.

And I wonder, why the fuck not?

So I ask: "Cunnilingus versus Fellatio; the latter happens way more than the former, am i right?"

after some puzzled 'huh?'s, and after rephrasing it, I get the honest response.

And it is this. "Oh, hell yeah. head happens way more than, well, the other kind of head. eating out."

Hmm. Why?

Shrugs and 'i dunno's

fellatio, it would seem, is a much more commonplace sexual act in the dating scene, the hook-up scene, than is cunnilingus.

Too much work?

Smells and cleanliness were discussed. (But, I argue that we should all be clean and healthy if we want people's mouths on our genitals-- because sure vaginas are more fragrant than penises, but is there anything in this world like a rank pair of balls? c'mon guys. Don't be complaining about lady parts when guy parts can be equally unappealing to the nostrils.)

Then aesthetic appeal was discussed. Like if a girl has a 'jacked up pussy'. Really? How ugly can a vagina be? What are the standards on that? What's the rubric for roast beef curtains?

Oh yes, and then of course we discussed the landscaping. Bare, barely there, bushy, unkepmt, overgrown. Oh my, oh my, there was just so much to discuss about body hair. About nature versus modern expectations. i'll let the lovely Ms. Demi Moore illustrate a bygone aesthetic, shall i?

Ever seen Demi Moore's vagina?  Well you still haven't!  (bad-ump-bump, chsssssh)

It seems to me that men have this pussy on the pedestal complex. Like there are some vaginas WORTH going down on, and others that aren't up to snuff. As if girls didn't already have enough to be self conscious of. now we have to be concerned that our labia aren't of pleasing proportion? Or that the color might be off-putting? That we might be too strongly scented or that the flavor could be less tasty than other girls? jesus fucking christ.

We should not have to Vajazzle our 'precious ladies' to drum up your interest, for fuck's sake.

We're women, not fairies.   

(And we're women, not little girls, so while a full wax is fun and lovely, please don't expect it always, demand it as essential, or shun a woman who has more of a natural sitch going on.  I'm not talking Demi up there, i mean Kudos to ole Bruce Willis for finding the forrest through the trees on that one.  I bet Bruce Willis gives great head.  And maybe the au natural look appealed to him?  i mean she's a gorgeous lady, and if that's the way she was made... but anyway.  Pubic hair, like eyebrows, go through alot of fashion changes over the decades.)

And this isn't new, or anything. This kind of shame and embarrassment and paranoia has been propagated and carefully cultivated for quite some time now.


Maybe we'll do a 'know when to douche' storyline on Mad Men this season?

Our sex is evil. Any pleasure we feel should be minimal or secondary to the male (for instance, giving head to a man can be an entire and complete sex act in and of itself. Beginning middle and end. done. But oral sex given from a man to a woman is most often viewed as foreplay that must most usually culminate in his achieving orgasm as well. Really? Did you make sure to get her off after she swallowed your cum in the backseat of your car? No. I thought not. Why the double standards???) Oh, and for god's sake,keep it hidden. There is so much neurosis and stigma tied up in that organ, it is amazing to me.

The most disturbing part of this, to me, as a woman, is hearing again and again that girls are ok with the inequity. That they often encourage it by saying things like: 'Oh oral is ok and everything, but i'd rather fuck.' Or "i like getting head but i'd rather give it."

Whoa. Back that train up. Are they serious? It makes me wonder if they've ever had good cunnilingus. I can't help but conclude that no, they have not, because I have never, never, never heard a man say anything remotely similar. H:ave you? Has a man that you know ever been like: "Nah, no thanks on the oral tonight, i'd rather just fuck or go down on you until you come and call it a night..."

No matter how fucking god-like perfect the guy is, he's very very very unlikely to turn down an offered blowjob. because oral sex feels fantastic. No shame in that. It feels dynamite. It should!

So when girls are saying things like "meh" about receiving cunnilingus, it smacks mighty suspicious to me. I am left to believe that they don't know what good oral should feel like or that they cannot relax enough or embrace their own sexuality enough to enjoy the art of cunnilingus.

Which is one of the saddest, most heart breaking things I can imagine for a woman.

We need to teach our girls confidence in their bodies, every single inch of their bodies. Teach them to embrace their femininity, their sexuality, their inner goddess, their very nature. It makes me ache to think about how many people out there are living a partially-realized sex life.

Not to sound like the vagina monologues or anything.  But yeah.  Maybe we should all read that play or see it once in our lives.  c'mon ladies, embrace your c-words!

And any man who is perpetuating the ridiculous notion that somehow paying tribute with his tongue between his partner's legs is some extraordinary treat, some big chore, or somehow less than completely deserved and expected of him as a mature sexual partner? Those men should be made to attend a seminar or something before they're allowed to engage in further sexual activity. Smarten up guys. You want to be considered a good lover? You want to be good in bed? acquaint yourself with the act of eating-out asap, do some tongue exercises and get on your knees.

Why is it that in order to be beddable a woman is expected to go down on you, to be good at giving head, and to be considered supremely beddable we have to want to whip it out and suck it and go to town, (all great characteristics of a good lover, don't get me wrong) but for some reason a male lover is not held to the same standard? They are neither expected to perform oral (at least not as early on in the relationship as the woman is expected to do so), nor are they expected to be able to produce an orgasm via cunnilingus.

WTF?

Seriously.  One of the leading reasons why men break up with girls is lack of willingness on her part to give blowjobs.  I haven't seen any such statistic for women. 
"Oh, Stacy, Joe was so sweet, why'd you two break up?"  

"Oh, he was really nice, and smart and handsome and everything, but you know what Maxine?  he just never went down town."  

"Never?!  Oh that's too bad.  In that case, Stace, you made the right decision."

I certainly knew the rules in highschool. When i was young and beginning this journey of sexual awakening, the rule was very clear-- a girl had to give head WELL BEFORE a guy would ever even entertain going down on her. And yeah, where I'm from? Some guys just flat-out refused. like "Oh, i don't do that." Oh. You don't? But you expect her to do it for you? Of course. Naturally. Heh? I shake my head and just can't wrap my mind around it.

So yeah, I went down on Aaron before he went down on me. But I was also a virgin, and when you're a virgin you tend to keep that region under wraps until you're ready to lose the viginity. right? So that was all me. He certainly went downtown pretty much asap after the big event. He was eager to do it. not simply willing, not just fulfilling an obligation. He was ready, as lovers should be, to explore every inch, give every thing he could, to contribute to our mutual enjoyment of the act of lovemaking.

So, forgive me if I feel so damned boggled by this mysterious lack of cunnilingus. The astonishing dearth of eating pussy.

And this just leads me to whole other disturbing areas of thought, such as faked orgasms and guys coming without regard to her pleasure, and sticking to a few standard positions, and lack of exploration, and reticence and body issues and ugh! All that stuff that's hanging round our necks in large part due to a patriarchal and punishing religious order.

Sick.

I wish I'd become a sexologist instead of a drama teacher, i'll tell you that much.

More on cunnilingus some other time maybe.

happy eating folks.