Maybe

The old excuse isn't cutting it.  See, I've caught myself saying: "If I had more time..."  Well, jeeze louise, but I've had nothing BUT time this week and nary a word has been written.

So you wanna be a writer?  Write.

And I haven't.  It would seem I'm broken.  Or at least temporarily out of service. 

I've been reading and reading my stuff, trying to find a place to jump in and continue, pick up some thread and run with it.  But I'm getting editor's disease.  Now that I'm learning more and more about grammar rules and comma functions and bullshit like that, all I can see are my glaring errors.  And if I'm not noticing those then I'm fretting about the mundanity (mundaneness?) of my pitifully pedestrian storylines, characters, word choice and what the fuck ever.

Just not fun.  Not a great headspace for a writer.

And I have been avoiding, like the fucking plague, all the papers I have to grade this week.  And the lesson planning for unit three!  And yadda yadda yadda.

AND been tossing the old idea ball around.  The idea ball of :  What should I be when I grow up?  Scratch writer off the list, as I can't seem to do that.

Aaron tells me: "Of course you can write!  You're a very competent writer.  You're just as good as plenty of people who get published."

Thanks for the ringing endorsement, I tell him wryly.  D'you think that's what Dan Brown's family told him?

Aaron:  That's about the best he could hope for.  Dan, you're very capable of stringing sentences together.  Good job.

Me:  I feel great.  Thanks for the pep talk.

Anywho.  So writing is out.  So what else?

I've been racking the noodle all week, trying to devise a plan for the future that doesn't involve me killing myself trying to be something I'm just not: a teacher.

Another mediocre performance review is making me very nervous about my job prospects.  How wrtched to need a job you don't really want and aren't especially suited for! (for which you are no especially suited...)

But I've been taking my meds.  I've been trying to be optimistic.

And tossing out ideas to see if anything sticks.

Open my own starbucks
Open my own Marylous franchise
Open an artisan, independent coffee shop
Open a liquor store!
Open a vegetarian restaurant
Open a kitchen store--where I sell kitchens
Operate a high-end salvage business
Real estate
Tutor (bleck.)
Voice over work
Sound design for tv videogames and movies
bakery/confections shop
Florist
Something like a funeral parlor that isn't a traditional funeral parlor.
A book nook that actually specializes in digital readers instead of actual books?  
Wine shop



The problem with opening a shop is that I can't secure a loan.  Well, that is one of the many, many problems with opening my own business.  But of the shops I could open, I think a liquor one is the most recession proof, don't you? 

So then there's real estate.  Except I'm terrible at being a salesman.  But I love houses.  But I hate math.  And business.  And paperwork.  But I love houses and trying to figure out what would be a good fit for people... but I think I'd hate the rest of it.

Voice over work is a side job at best.  Its something that I really should have done already and have been dragging my feet for no good reason.  I've comitted to get a reel together and out there by summer.  But it isn't a game changer.  I'm hoping it may lead to a game changer--I'd like to produce voice work, be the one in the control booth.  But I'v gotta start somewhere.

Holy god get me out of my life!

Ok, sorry.  Moment of panic.

Kids, house, dreams?  Maybe someday, right?