The pinky promise.

So Aaron convinced me to talk to my principal.  "keep the lines of communication open" he said.  "be honest."  he said.

He was really convincing, and had brought me 'round to his way of thinking after a good long talk, and subsequently made me pinky promise.

So i sent her an e-mail.  As i pinky-swore I would do.

And we have a meeting this afternoon.

No I am freaking the fuck out about it.

Why had i ever imagines it would be a good idea??  She is a tough, no-nonsense type of person, and I can imagine me putting my foot in my mouth a hundred different catastrophic ways. 

She is going to hate me.

This was the worst idea ever.  I really don't think I can do it.  I'm going to look like a whiny pussy who can't handle her job.  I'll look like that because that is pretty much what I am.

Somehow, when Aaron framed it, it all seemed so smart, so pro-active, so professional.

but I have this forboding feeling that when I go down there it will come off as me making excuses, me looking like a fucking moron, me being pathetic and gross.

Not to mention that I caused a big to-do this morning by asking to have my kids skip specialists to complete their unit exams.  Jesus.  I followed the advice of my co-teachers and it landed me in some pretty hot water, and I am not the principal's favorite individual right now.  So this won't be stressful, akward, or awful at all.

Kill me.

My heart is clenching and choking in my chest right now.  I honestly don't know what I'm going to do, or say.  holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck.

I hate this so much.

Please let my heart burst in my chest!