ELA MCAS is this week.
So...
Stress to the max.
Also.
They're slipping away. At last. I never thought I'd see the day, but as all imaginary friends go, so do, at last, the folks from Cedar Falls. Maybe its the meds. Maybe I've just out grown them. Maybe I've so much on my plate that they just can't get enough oxygen or sustenance to subsist.
It is a little lonesome. And a little bit of a relief. I used to be able to conjure them into my head at any given moment--just try to keep them out! They would spring to mind and scenes would play out, dialogue would unravel, new plot twists would bubble up and play out and I'd either write or be frustrated by the inability to capture the vitality with my clumsy prose.
Now they're fading. Ghosts, sometimes walking the same haunts, sometimes repeating fragments of dialogue that they'd once said. But they aren't alive anymore. They aren't dynamic, they aren't growing. They are dying.
On one hand I am breathing easier. It wasn't easy existing as a subpar writer, one craving more time to write her schlock whislt resenting her dayjob.
But it is also a sort of grief. How many years now have I been stoking these embers, hoping to ignite something great? How long have I breathed my own soul into these characters, poured my own blood into them, given my heart so that they might live?
Every day--and I am not exaggerating--every day I would read and reread scenes. Edit, add, or simply just absorb the writing--or, rather, absorb the characters despite the writing.
I guess I loved them, in some way. And when someone you love leaves there must always be a grieving for the loss. That's what my therapist told me. Not about these fictional characters, of course, do you think I want my therapist to see how crazy I am? But, I think the message applies nevertheless.
Farewell folks. It has been ... a pleasant diversion, a source of comfort, a place to meddle creatively, and I think two full years of my life. Thanks for being there. We'll have to see what new obsession comes in your wake. Those won't be easy shoes to fill!
So...
Stress to the max.
Also.
They're slipping away. At last. I never thought I'd see the day, but as all imaginary friends go, so do, at last, the folks from Cedar Falls. Maybe its the meds. Maybe I've just out grown them. Maybe I've so much on my plate that they just can't get enough oxygen or sustenance to subsist.
It is a little lonesome. And a little bit of a relief. I used to be able to conjure them into my head at any given moment--just try to keep them out! They would spring to mind and scenes would play out, dialogue would unravel, new plot twists would bubble up and play out and I'd either write or be frustrated by the inability to capture the vitality with my clumsy prose.
Now they're fading. Ghosts, sometimes walking the same haunts, sometimes repeating fragments of dialogue that they'd once said. But they aren't alive anymore. They aren't dynamic, they aren't growing. They are dying.
On one hand I am breathing easier. It wasn't easy existing as a subpar writer, one craving more time to write her schlock whislt resenting her dayjob.
But it is also a sort of grief. How many years now have I been stoking these embers, hoping to ignite something great? How long have I breathed my own soul into these characters, poured my own blood into them, given my heart so that they might live?
Every day--and I am not exaggerating--every day I would read and reread scenes. Edit, add, or simply just absorb the writing--or, rather, absorb the characters despite the writing.
I guess I loved them, in some way. And when someone you love leaves there must always be a grieving for the loss. That's what my therapist told me. Not about these fictional characters, of course, do you think I want my therapist to see how crazy I am? But, I think the message applies nevertheless.
Farewell folks. It has been ... a pleasant diversion, a source of comfort, a place to meddle creatively, and I think two full years of my life. Thanks for being there. We'll have to see what new obsession comes in your wake. Those won't be easy shoes to fill!
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