All the Happy...

It has become clear that I went into the wrong profession.  There's just too much.  Too much I don't know, too much I'm too far behind on, too much political crap, too much at stake, too much of a learning curve, too much to learn in too little time.

I knew there'd be a difference between teaching drama and teaching English.  I was a fool to ever think I was even vaguely qualified for this position.

 Am I a complete disaster?  No.  No, I'm not.  I think I've done some decent work here.  I believe I've done more good than harm.  But that isn't enough.  It just isn't enough to be mediocre in this line of work.  Our students need and deserve the very best.  The most capable.  The brilliant, the innovative, the inspired, the creme de la creme.

I don't want to be the stereotype; I can't do anything else, so I'm a teacher.

However.

What the hell else am I going to do now?

I've sunk my financial future into this sinking ship.  Looks like I'll be bailing for a while, unless I can figure out--quick--how to build myself one hell of a liferaft.

Actor
Singer
Director
Writer
Children's author
Playwright
Screenwriter 
Award-winning blogger
Drama Teacher
Drama Professor
English Teacher
'50's housewife (I don't clean)
Prostitute (no bennies)
Entrepreneur

 My mother suggested I look into real estate.

Aaron recently suggested I should break into porn directing.  When I gave him 'that look', he shrugged and said that it might be time to start thinking outside the box.  Or all up inside the box. 

In any event, it is beginning to look like all my skills and credentials will not be the source of my success.  I have ZERO capital to invest in a re-education campaign.  This is it.  It is looking bleak. 

Is there a way I can get paid to do whatever the fuck I feel like?

I'd probably suck at that too.

"But I don't really feel like doing that."
"I don't understand, all you have to do is whatever you want..."
"Yeah, I'm not comfortable with that much creative control.  I'd rather be told what to do once in a while..."

I'm beginning to think I just may never find the balance.  Never find peace and joy in the career realm.  Perhaps it is because I have so much peace and joy in the love and family realm-- perhaps I've tipped the scales too far.  Perhaps it just isn't possible for ordinary folks to have all the happy.