Hope.

I know alot of the times I'm a cynnic.  Alot of the time the glass is most definitely half full.  Of fuck it, the glass is empty, the glass is craked and there's no water to be had anywhere!

I know.  I think, on some level, I'll always have a bit of that.  I'll always have a healthy skepticism, a snarky undertone, a bitchy streak, a certain something dark.

But there's the other side of me.  The romantic.  The imaginative. The idealist.  That side of me that gets swept up in love, or sits down to watch a princess movie marathon, or believes she can make a difference, one student at a time.  The one who falls in love without regret, the one who is committed to friends and family.  The one who creates, the one who dreams, the one whose cup is not just half-full, but brimming, overflowing, filling up other people's cups with enthusiam and contagious verve for life.  The passionate one.

I have existed with this duality for sometime.  Only now, with a little hard work, determination, and really good medical insurance, I'm working to shift the balance a little bit more to the sunny side of my equation. 

So hope.  And the power of positive thinking (which I trashed a month or so back, in one of my particularly nasty bouts of negativity, and which, to be fair, hasn't helped me lesson plan a single lesson so far.... I think I can, I think I can, I... oh, some inane way to procrastinate?? Sure!!!), and love.  And support. 

I may have lost a friend or two or more recently.  I retreated into myself, I buried my head in the sand and only kept ties with a precious few.  And I regret this, but, well, I'm not sure it could have been helped.  I've been going through a really awful time.  I have barely remained human, it feels like.  And I wish there were some way to apologize, but fear it could very well be too late in more than one instance.

Part of me is willing to trust the universe, or the fates, or chance, or whathaveyou.  Part of me is too damn irish for that mystical nonsense, and wants to go knocking on their door, or alternately to turn an equally cold shoulder and say: To hell with them! 

I'm not sure how things'll play out.

But I'm starting a new journey, turning a new page, and moving forward.  I would love my dear friends to remain with me on the journey, would love to remain with them as they travel their roads.  We shall see.

Also, guess what I'm no doing right now?  Lesson Planning!  GAH!!

Any efficient and clever lesson planners out there wanna give me a hand?!?!?