The Wall?

So Aaron maintains that every writer hits a wall. He thinks I'll clam up. I honestly think he hopes I do. That's an awful thing to say\think. I know how frustrated he is with his own struggle.

I think I can see myself hitting a wall with the Cedar Falls stuff, especially if\when I try to synthesize it all togther into something cohesive; I think that process might suck the life outta me. Which is why I've decided to just keep on keepin on with the vignettes for now and worry about the rest later. I have stories to tell, you know, and I just want to keep telling them.

That being said. It may be true that I've been accomplishing less writing. But you know why? I've been really really busy. I steal every moment I can with this laptop. Sometimes I feel guilty, like I'm having an affair with my Lappy. To tell you the truth I think about writing all the time. Before bed espescially, but really any spare moment.

However when I sit down it doesn't always flow out of my fingertips, and I'm often quite dissatisfied and hit backspace alot more than I hit enter.

But then there'll be days like yesterday where I was subbing in WeeBee and was so bored I broke a rule of mine and wrote like15 pages of Cedar falls stuff longhand. Now I have to type that shit up and also finish it (damn kids kept interrupting me and needing stuff, like, instruction and shit...)... So that's kind of exciting and kind of a pain in the ass, lol.

Now today I wanted to get alot done with writing but I also have this guilt around my neck like: You shouldn't waste your time writing, there's so much to do! Like applying for a hundred jobs and cleaning the house and paying bills and also doing other, more social things like seeing friends!

So about that Wall. I hope I never hit it. Because I made a promise to myself to write a little everyday and I intend to keep that promise. Sure, it may not always be the current project, I made no promises to be task-oriented, but I did promise to take the time, daily, to write. Sometimes that will be the blog entry and no more. Sometimes it will have to be some other piece of creative writing. Hell, I'll even sit down and make lists of my favorite things if I have to or do some of those THX THX THXs if necessary, but I have made the vow and it means alot to me to keep it.

I have been a vegetarian since last november-- I haven't slipped once (well, ok, I forgot about marshmallows and had two mini marshmallows. whoops.), and the will power--the fact that I have some-- has impressed me and filled me with a strength I didn't know I had.

SO this writing is the second step. Next will be: Apply for one job a day until I have a fucking job. I think I'll start that this weekend.

After that: Excercise for 20 minutes every day. Oh. My. God. Yup. I've tried that one lots of times and come up short. But now that I'm proving to myself that I do posess will power and stick-to-itiveness, well, I think its time to give it another (serious) whirl.

In related news? I enjoy re-reading my writing. I thought I would not enjoy such a thing, but in having to do so for continuity's sake and making sure I don't contradict myself too much (lol, the thing about Viols fainting at the sight of blood was rather inconvenient one time... whoops), I've found that despite finding typos and awkward phrasing and things I could have done better? I actually dig the story and the characters enough to make me forgive the deficiency of writing talent.

And re-reading often springboards me into new stuff! New story threads!

For instance, the story thread I'm going to post today is a healthy off-shoot from our main characters and I sincerely hope you enjoy it because I am kind of enamored. It is really fun because everyone has a secret, right? But sometimes not even I am clear on what that secret might be, but little seeds get planted, little hints get dropped and I have this feeling, this faith, that a vision will emerge when it is ready to do so.

Jonah's secret came out of such faith and mother-of-go that's a juicy fucking secret, right? Sometimes I feel sad for him. I'm a nerd.

So that wall? That end-stop? That obstacle? Bring it on. I'm a problem solver at heart (I hope and I believe). Being a theatre educator has taught me to find any and evry way around, over, under or through that fucking wall. Sometimes a challenge is all we need to re-invigorate what has become stale or un-inspired. I'm equal to you WALL, I can take you! I've made a promise not to succumb to your inevitability, so lets just see what happens when we meet.